BIG IDEA: Earthly punishments remind us that there is a judgment to come. The rod helps to teach our children this. But grace must be infused with the rod so that our children know we are trying to help them avoid God's wrath. This is not abuse when done with love and grace.
The Rationale Behind The Rod
(1). The Nature of the Problem - Children are not born morally or ethically neutral therefore they need correction not just direction and instruction. We know that they may learn some things and still struggle with sin. This is why correction is also necessary. Like all humans, they are born with deceitful hearts (Jeremiah 17:9). Lacking information is not the root problem; their sinful nature is. Sin will bring destruction and the rod helps in this context. Proverbs 22:15 reminds us that a child is foolish but the rod will drive folly far from him. Folly is not a child being childish; it is a child being sinful and not fearing God. Psalm 14:1 says that foolish people do not acknowledge God in their life. Children constantly say, "I want." That means for the most part they are initially living out of their sinful cravings. Who's will do we want them to live under? Their's or God's? There is a biblical process for the rod to help with this (Chapter 15). When a child refuses to live under God's authority shown by disobedience to the parents, then the rod serves to help in these extreme situations. Proverbs 23:14 teaches us that using the rod will help save their soul from death. Using the rod is not for the angry parent venting their fury on a tiny child. Using the rod is done in love to save the child from God's wrath upon sinners. It's designed to help them find grace in Christ to avoid the eternal corporal punishment from God. The primary issue is not that they have disobeyed the parents, but that they sit under the judgment of God.
(2). The Function Of The Rod
Proverbs 29:15 says that the rod of correction imparts wisdom. Proverbs teaches that the fear of the Lord is wisdom. The child who rejects parental authority is foolish, not wise, for they are rejection God's rule over their life. That will lead to eternal death in hell. The rod reminds the child how foolish and godless they are being. The rod renders the child compliant so they can receive instruction from God's Word. Hebrews 12:11 reminds us that discipline is unpleasant at the time but later it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace. The parent who uses the rod in a timely and appropriate manner is teaching the children to submit to God's authority. Proverbs 29:15 also reminds us that a child left to himself disgraces his mother. Proverbs 29:17 also reminds us that disciplining our children will give us peace and delight our souls.
What Is The Rod?
The rod is a parent being faithful to God toward their children, using measured and loving physical punishment so that they'll obey God and be rescued from their foolish and sinful nature. It's partly how we lead them to Christ.
(1). A Parental Exercise - It is the parent who does this. Not another sibling. Scripture does not grant other adults the authority to spank your children. It is to be done in the parent-child relationship. A spanking administered by a non-parent is different than a child receiving a parent from the one who provides for, cares for and takes care of the child.
(2). An Act Of Faith - You are trusting in God's methods and means to help bring about salvation. From the world's perspective and philosophy we are doing harm to our children. We can buy into their lies and we must not. We must trust God and His Word over the false wisdom of the world.
(3). A Responsibility - It's the parent determining to obey God. Parents are God's representatives.
(4). A Physical Punishment - The rod is a careful, timely, measured and controlled use of physical punishment. It's not to be done in rage or out of frustration. Each of those words helps us to see how using the rod should be done.
(5). A Rescue Mission - The issue is not, "You have failed to obey me." The issue is, "You have failed to obey God in your foolishness. You are in danger, child! This is a warning to you."
Distortions Of The Rod
(1). Not The Right To Unbridled Temper - You must use the rod carefully and in a tightly structured manner to avoid abuse. You must not use the rod to blow off steam on your child. That is abuse and ungodly and we are not authorized by God to do this. James 1:20 warns that man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Our kids will know whether we are spanking under God's authority or our own anger.
(2). Not Venting Frustration - We must make sure that our hearts are right before the Lord before using the rod.
(3). Not Associated With Vindictive Anger - If we are trying to unleash vengeance on our children through the use of the rod, then we are not helping them. We are abusing God's authority and disobeying our Lord. We must let our kids know that the rod is coming from a heart of love. Spankings should not cause children and parents to be mad at each other.
Common Objections To The Rod
(1). I Love My Children Too Much To Spank Them - It's not easy to do. The alternative to not spanking is allowing your child's rebellion to go unchecked so much so that they do not realize judgment is coming. Is failing to warn your child loving? Proverbs 13:24 reminds us that if you spare the rod you actually hate your child but if you love them then you will be careful to discipline him.
(2). I Am Afraid I Will Hurt Him - That's why it must be measured. Biblical discipline never physically endangers the child (see Proverbs 23:13-14).
(3). I'm Afraid I Will Make Him Rebellious And Angry - Proverbs 29:17 tells us otherwise.
(4). I Am Afraid Of Teaching Them To Hit - This only happens when spanking is done in anger. Children are able to recognize discipline verses vengeful outbursts of physical abuse.
(5). It Doesn't Work - When spanking is done wrong, it doesn't work. God's Word says that when it's done right it leads to godly things. The rod must be used consistently, as well, or it will be ineffective. A lack of persistence will also make the rod ineffective. The rod will also be ineffective if it is used ineffectively--meaning spanking with diapers with extra padding likely won't be painful enough to get the child's attention.
(6). I'm Afraid Of Being Arrested For Child Abuse - Child abuse is illegal. Spanking your children is not illegal. The world thinks the two are the same. We must be wise in how we use the rod. Spanking is not a public matter but a private one. You can always leave the public arena and go home or to a private place to administer discipline.
The Fruit Of The Rod
The rod teaches outcomes to children. They need to learn that they reap what they sow...consequences often come later. Consistent disobedience yields a harvest of destruction and death and ultimately hell. The rod shows God's authority over the parents. They need to see submission to authority demonstrated in our lives. The rod will train children to be under authority just as our use of it shows we are under God's authority. The rod will demonstrate parental love and commitment (Hebrews 12:5, 11) and it yields a harvest of righteousness and peace. The rod returns the child to a place of blessing--salvation and grace and reconciliation with God. The rod produces closeness and open communication between the parent and child.
The Best Of Both
Communication and the rod must go hand in hand. Children need to be known and understood. They also need authority and correction that is predictable, measure, timely and loving. We must be aware of distorting either, let we become authoritarian through the rod or permissive through our lack of proper communication. Authoritarian lack kindness. Permissive parents lack firmness. You may tend towards one of these so be on guard of your heart, mind and actions. Strive for a biblical balance.
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