BIG IDEA: Consistency is required in disciplining disobedience. If you are inconsistent then you'll go through cycles where kids obey and then they become disobedient as you get lax in your calling.
As soon as your child begins to disobey they step out of the circle of safety. They need to be rescued. Discipline is a rescue operation. Use communication and the rod. The rod is primary during younger years because a child does not give words proper weight. His attention is gained when words are accompanied by a sound spanking.
The When Of Spanking
A spanking is needed when a child has understood your instructions and orders and has not obeyed you without challenge, excuse or delay. When you fail to spank you fail to obey God as well and you treat God's Word as casual. It shows a lack of love for your child. If you accept challenge, excuse or delay you are not training your child in submission.
We must not warn or ask if they want to be spanked. If you do this you are training them to wait for a warning. When you speak for the first time, they need to know that you have spoken for the last time. Rebellion must be challenged when it comes with attitude, a look or whining, or outright failure to do as instructed. The disobedient child is acting as if there is no God which is what a fool is.
The How Of Spanking
You MUST avoid response in anger. You must treat them with respect and dignity. You must temper unwavering firmness with kindness and gentleness. Discipline is a rescue mission.
(1). Take your child to a private place where he can be spoken with in privacy. Never discipline in front of others. The point is not to humiliate but to shepherd the heart.
(2). Tell your child specifically what he has done wrong or failed to do. Never spank for general issues like "I've had it!" Spankings must be issue focused.
(3). Secure an acknowledgment from your child for what they have done. This ensures that they know why they are being spanked.
(4). Remind your child that the function of the spanking is not to express your frustration but to restore them to a place where God can bless them. Express concern that they are not living under your authority. You do not have the right to hit your child under any circumstance other than biblically sanctioned discipline.
(5). Tell the child how many swats they'll receive. This signals you are in control. Every child will require a different amount of swats.
(6). Ensure that clothing does not lessen the effect of the spanking. It is best to lay the child across your lap to ensure that you are spanking in the context of your physical relationship. They are not a neutral object.
(7). After the spanking, hug your child and tell them how much you love them. Remind them that you are grieved to have to do this. There should be complete restoration between you and your child at this point. If the child is mad at you, check two things. Check your own spirit. Were you too rough or did you sin against your child? Was unholy anger used? If so, you must confess your sin to your child and ask for forgiveness. Check his spirit. Is he trying to punish you for what you've done? If so, discipline is not over. Hebrews 12:11...discipline is unpleasant but yields a harvest of righteousness. If righteousness has not bee produced, then discipline is not over. If the child is not restored after another spanking then continue to communicate to the child. Let them know you love them. You want the restored to you. More importantly, you want them submitting to God. Let them know you will pray for them and that you will pray for yourself to be a wise and kind parent. When discipline is over, the slate is clean. There's no carryover. Grounding and further punishment are not necessary.
(8). Pray with your child. Confess gospel truth. Ask God for help in parenting. Ask God for help in molding the child's heart.
The Why Of Spanking
God commands it. It enables you to deal with heart issues. Discipline addresses the heart not behavior alone. The focal point is always the heart. Spanking is God's method of driving foolishness far from the child's heart.
What Is A Spanking Issue?
Spanking is reserved for issues of defiance. You cannot wait for your child to start talking to discipline them.
When Is A Child Too Old?
It depends on your child's disposition and temperament and maturity. Spanking is best for younger children.
Can I Use Time-Out Instead Of Spanking?
We don't have the right to change God's method of discipline. You need to trust God and obey.
What If My Child Says, "But I Didn't Hear You?"
You need to discuss this hearing issue with your child and let them know it's not acceptable. They will be held accountable for tuning you out and will be spanked. They need to be attuned to your voice.
If I Follow Your Counsel, All I'll Do Is Spank
If parents are consistent with discipline and spanking then the child's need for discipline decreases. You could have a child who is disobedient all day because you tolerate disobedience.
What If I'm Too Mad?
Instruct your child to take a seat or go to their room. Then you must go to God and repent of your anger. Stay there until you are able to Biblical and lovingly deal with your child.
What If We're Not Home?
Do not spank in public. See a private place to talk and spank. The purpose of discipline is not for public evangelism or to promote your convictions. It's not about saving face. The purpose is to shepherd your children.
What If I Know My Child Is Lying To Me?
Try to secure honest responses through discussion. Remind them that God requires integrity. Do not call your child a liar. Is there scriptural support for this? I'm not sure.
What If I'm Not Sure What Happened?
There's nothing to do is you aren't sure and your child won't confess. There'll be other times to address their heart. Your credibility increases if you do not discipline when things are unclear.
What If Nothing Works?
Ask, "Are there inconsistencies or holes in my discipline?" You need to be prepared to be obedient when you do not see immediate fruit.
What If It's Too Late?
(1). Sit down with your children explain your new insights. Confess you've been parenting wrong. Focus on your deficiencies not theirs.
(2). Seek their forgiveness for your parental failures.
(3). Explain the biblical importance of being under authority. Explain the blessing of being under God's authority.
(4). Give them specific direction about what you think are needed changes in behavior and attitude.
(5). Determine how you'll respond to future disobedience. Make sure they understand.
(6). Don't be manipulative. Be biblical.
(7). Be patient. It's hard to change unbiblical familial behavior. Study the Scriptures together.
No comments:
Post a Comment