BOOK SUMMARY: SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART - CHAPTER 8 - EMBRACING BIBLICAL METHODS: COMMUNICATION

 

BIG IDEA: The methods we use to rear our children should be complementary to our goals of helping them to live for God's glory. Communication is one of the methods and so in the rod.

See Proverbs 23:13-19.  The rod is emphasized but so is communicating the idea that one needs to dispense wisdom to their children

Together, the rod and good communication help to produce Godly children. Deep conversations about God and Christ and the gospel help to ward of a cold disciplining rod.

Communicatoin is Dialogue, Not Monologue
We must dialogue with our children. That means if they're talking, we listen. Proverbs 18:13.  Listening will help us to understand our children's better so we know them better and help them better.

We need to cultivate proper communication when they're young so that it'll continue when they are older and in their teens.  If we only expect them to listen to us as kids and they never get to speak, should we be surprised that they don't want to talk to us when they're teenagers.

Focus On Understanding

When our children sin our first objective is to try and draw out what is going on in their hearts. What you're trying to do is get beyond the surface of the behavior to see the inner world of your child's motivation in this situation.

1.    The behavior we see in our children is a reflection of the abundance of the child's heart.

2.    You want to understand the specific content of the abundance of your child's heart.

3.    The internal issues of the heart are of greater importance than the specifics of behavior, since they drive behavior.

We have to learn to help our children express themselves which means you have to help them develop these skils.  

See Proverbs 20:5

In discerning a child's inner issues with sin, we need to point them to grace, mercy and the gospel of Christ. Christ's righteousness and forgiveness and immense.

There are 4 issues we must help walk our children through: (1). the nature of the temptation, (b). the possible responses to the temptation, (3). the motives for the temptation, (4). the sinful response they chose.  In helping your child this way you simultaneously identify with your child as a sinner but you stand over them as a parent to which God has called you.

You are not free form parenting properly just because you have failed in the same ways your child has. Neither should you stand above your child hypocritically with a self-righteous attitude.