Internalizing The Gospel
We want our teens to embrace Christ on their own. We want them to develop identities as persons under God. The Holy Spirit can only accomplish this ultimate goal, but God uses means--our parents and leading. The point of shepherding them their lives is to see them know God. Yet there is no promise that they will come to know God because we do everything that God required of us. There is still the factor of their godward orientation. If your parents has been less that what God requires, repent and seek His forgiveness, then let your family know that you have to obey God and they should expect to see some changes.
Shepherding The Internalization Of The Gospel
In the teen years they should be growing in their realization of his own sin and brokenness before God. He is aware of his inability to do as he ought. He is not worse than he was but more aware of who he is. They begin to be aware that not everyone agrees with what his parents have taught him. He is being challenged to jettison his beliefs.
Developing A Shepherding Relationship With Teens
Your shepherding at this point is an extension of shepherding them from infancy to childhood, not to the teen years. You are there to influence them.
(1). Authority vs. Influence - Authority can accomplish a lot because you are stronger, smarter and larger. Eventually you have to move to influence because. You can exercise authority by grounding and removing privileges. Or you can influence them by communicating to them what you notice about their sin and behavior and how you want to help them grow to be like God. One is by force, the other is by gentle rebuke and seeking to communicate to their conscience and direct them towards Christ. Our job is to counsel and influence.
(2). Shepherding Through Doubt - Every teen goes through times where they doubt their faith. Do they believe the Word of God for themselves or only because we told them to believe it? They will hit this crisis of belief. This is not a time for a parent to panic. Encourage them to see the robust answers God has given us. We may have to learn a subject they're studying or direct them to apologetics material. These are good times to talk through vain philosophies of mankind. Teens also need older brothers and sisters in Christ in their life who've walked this road before and know the Word.
(3). Positive Interaction - Interact positively with your teens. You have an objective of ministry. If they crash the car they'll know what's more important to you--the car or them. That doesn't mean there aren't consequences for their behavior but your job is to help them through these things with grace not with destructive speech. Proverbs 16:21 The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction. Proverbs 16:23 A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. Teens fail often. Parents need to be skilled at directing their teens to the gospel work of Christ.
(4). Developing An Adult Relationship - What are your Christian relationships like with other believers? Seek to develop that with your teen even though they are under your shepherding.
(5). Waiting For The Right Time - Again, consider how you interact with Christian friends when they sin. You don't pounce on them right away. You use wisdom and discernment about when and how to talk to them. Do the same with your teens.
(6). Deal With Broad Themes - You don't nitpick your friends in their walk with Christ. You generally look for broad patterns of sin. Do the same with your teens.
(7). Allow Room For Disagreement - That's not the same as disrespect. You can disagree with your adult friends while remaining cordial. Same for your teens. Parents need to distinguish between their own style or preferences and what is actually biblical. We don't always have to have our way on preferences. Don't die on hills of preference. They don't matter. God and His Word matters. The soul of your child matters. You're not trying to create mini-mes or carbon copies by getting them to like everything you like.
(8). Beyond Internalization - You want to help them develop a Christian mind even after teen years. Help them develop relationship in the church. Help them develop godly relationships among their peers. Help them find their place in ministry in the church, not just your family. Help them find a career to fulfill what God has called them to. Eventually they'll establish their own family and need to do what you have done in rearing them. While they are your child, they are on their own now. The relationship has changed as you've done your job. God willing, you will have a strong relationship with them as they grow and build godly relationships with other parents.
(9). Entrusting Your Children To God - Parenting is a temporary task. We have to leave the rest to God.
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