BOOK SUMMARY: SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART - CHAPTER 18 - TEENAGERS: TRAINING OBJECTIVES

BIG IDEA: Teenage years bring about situations that require additional shepherding.  This time period is from puberty until they leave home and are independent.

Signs Of The Times

Teens are trying to formulate their own independent identity in a world with so many thoughts and philosophies. They know how to talk but their ideas are still forming so the home needs to be a place where discussion is natural, honest and encouraged.

They are going through a host of changes, not just bodily, but socially, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. They have fears, anxiety, apprehension all while trying to transition from childhood to adulthood. They need direction even though they may have tendencies of rebellion rooted in trying to establish independence.  

Rebellion

Rebellion could be tied to a growing struggle for independence. Or it could be tied to the heart issue that has been there all along.  Sometimes parents try to attribute manifest rebellion to a change in circumstances (a move, new friends, music). The reality is the problem runs much deeper.  

Sometimes rebellion comes from the fact that some kids constantly suffer the humiliation of public reproof.  The anger festers over year and children are too timid to express their anger and it comes out later in teen years.  

Teens that hang with rebellious teens do so because they are also rebels. It's not the company he is with. It's already in his heart. 

Three Foundations For Life

Proverbs 1:7-19 lays out direction for the helping a parent in teen years.

(1).    The Fear Of The Lord - The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.  Teens are making decisions that are important. We want to continue to shepherd their hearts.  Their godward orientation will determine how they interact with your godly shepherding.  Everyone worships--either God or idols.  Our teens need to be motivated by a sense of awe for God.  Their choices will hopefully reflect this.  Our teens are accountable to God and God sees and knows all.  Living in this awareness is the fear of God.

Reading through the minor prophets helps our teens to know the holiness of God. Our teens live in a culture with a low view of God.  God is awesome! Teens need a sober view of God. 

The whole family needs to know the fear of the Lord. It must be lived out in front of them on a daily basis.  Help them to understand the fear of the Lord. They know the fear of man and make decisions based on their fear of men. The same holds true of God. They need to live to please and honor God knowing there are consequences for moving outside of His realm of blessing.  God is a consuming fire. The fear of man produces bondage. The teen who understands the fear of God will be delivered from danger--hell! He will grow in wisdom and the knowledge of God.

(2).  Adherence To Parental Instruction - Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching.  They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck (Proverbs 1:8-9).  See also Proverbs 6.  Teens will be blessed if they listen to their godly parents.  Teens need to see and embrace their parents as a source of wisdom. You know them and God more. You love them the most and are the most committed to them.  To abandon the instruction of a godly mother and father is deadly.

You must be open and honest with your kids, giving them advice from God, not that which suites your selfish interests.  They won't receive instruction from you if you selfishly parent.  When your teens see you as a source of wisdom and godliness, they will call you in adult years for advice. Teens that take godly counsel will be wiser than their teachers (see Proverbs 119:99-100).

(3).  Contexts For Parental Instruction - Deuteronomy 6 sets the context for parental instruction - daily living.  It doesn't require perfection, just integrity before God.  

(4).  Family Worship - Family worship must be connected with the world and life as your teens experience it.  

(5).  Disassociation From The Wicked - Proverbs 1:10 - My son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them.  Living with the wicked means learning wicked ways.  In Proverbs 1:10-19 there is a lot of the word "US" in the passage. The wicked are calling others to belong.  Camaraderie is an appeal to everyone and the wicked us this appeal to entice others to rebel against God.  The call to associate with wicked people will come to our teens. Therefore, the home must be a place where teens are love, accepted and feel like they belong.  We must work to make our home an attractive place to be.