BIG IDEA: The person your child becomes is the product of life experiences and how they interact with them. While shaping influences matter, we should not take an attitude of determinism towards them.
SIX SHAPING INFLUENCES
1. Structure of Family Life
Number of parents, birth order, relationship between children, traditional family, single parent, etc
2. Family Values
How does the family spend time? What upsets the family? What's important to the parents? How is money spent? Is God important? Is family life based on human tradition or the principles of the world...or around the person of Christ?
3. Family Roles
Who pays the bills? Are parents involved in each other's lives or in the lives of the kids? Who does what?
4. Family Conflict Resolution
How does the family communicate? Do they yell and scream? Do they walk away from problems? Do they use Biblical guidelines of confession, repentance, forgiveness, grace, mercy, etc? Do they listen to advice (Proverbs 12:15-16)?
5. Family Response to Failure
How is failure treated? With understanding? With encouragement? With belittling or shaming? Abuse?
6. Family History
Have there been deaths in the family? Was the family in poverty or well off? Was divorce a factor? Have there been health issues?
TWO MISTAKES PEOPLE MAKE IN REGARDS TO SHAPING INFLUENCES
1. Shaping influences are the ultimate determiner of how we'll end up
2. Shaping influence don't matter at all
Some parents place to much important on shaping influences believe their children ell end up perfect if they shelter then and keep them in a Christian bubble. This is determinism dressed up in religiosity. While you want to have godly shaping influences, children are not passive clay that can be molded. They have varying responses to these shaping influences. If your child knows and loves God they will response positively to godly shaping influences. If your child does not know and love God they may kick and rebel against such influences. Ultimately, your children are responsible for the way they respond to your parenting.
Determinism can lead to frustration later in life if your kids turn out bad even though you had godly influences. You expected a perfect child based on shaping influences but the truth is that the child must still respond properly to these influences. That's not guaranteed. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us that the issues of life come from the heart--even the heart of a child.
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