Joshua Ritchie's "Feed My Sheep": 2022

Secular psychology is divorced from biblical truth. Unbelievers can only observe what they see and offer human interpretations of the things that ail humanity.

We Must Give Hope To Counselees

God sanctifies His people (John 17:17). God provides a way out of struggles (1 Corinthians 10:13; 1 Peter 1:3-4). The old self is dead and the new person is alive (2 Corinthians 5:17).

In hard cases like these we must learn all we can about the counselee. Proverbs 18:13 - The one who gives an answer before he listens--this is foolishness and disgrace for him. We must listen well before we can counsel well.

Counseling

We want to minister to the whole person. Spiritual and physical components do affect each other (1 Kings 9:1-18; 2 Corinthians 4:16-18). Sometimes sleep in necessary to stabilize emotional states and allow one to think clearly. Diet could help people in this regard, too.

Identity in Christ because of the gospel must come into view (1 Corinthians 6:11 - such were some of you but you were sanctified and justified; 2 Corinthians 5:17 - we are new creations in Christ). Although our identity is one thing, we are still called to change and work out our salvation (Philippians 2:12-13).

Idols and Destructive Life Agendas

What are we willing to sin to get? And what sins will I commit if I don't get something? Philippians 1:21 tells us that to live is Christ and to die is gain. People with DID often create alternate realities to deal with their pains and desires. Lies are basically what this is. There could be a desire to escape pain or to gain attention. But phantasy realms are created to manipulate situations their way or to avoid pain or guilt. The lusts of the heart are at work even though circumstances might be shaping influences, they are not the ultimate problems. Our sinful corrupt hearts are the issue (Jeremiah 17:9 - deceitful hearts; Titus 3:3 - slaves to various passions). When we exchange God for idols we go down all sorts of sinful paths.

Christ needs to be presented as the supreme treasure over idols and sins (Psalm 73:25-28). We have to be satisfied in God alone. Sinners need to know God's love in Christ (Ephesians 3:17-18 - comprehend the breadth, length, height, depth of Christ's love. Sinners need to also learn to love others (Philippians 2:3-4 - do nothing from selfish conceit, consider others. Sinners must learn to submit to God (Psalm 138:8 - the Lord's purpose; Proverbs 16:9 - man plans his way, the Lord establishes his steps; James 4:13-15 - if the Lord wills, we will).

Practically Working At Change

The disordered soul will move from sinful affections to sinful thoughts to sinful emotions to sinful behavior. Even though we have changed hearts and are renewed, we face enemies--the flesh, the world, Satan (Galatians 5:16-17; Romans 12:2; 1 Peter 5:8-9). Counselees need to learn to put off and put on (Ephesians 4:22-32). That's different than stapling good fruit on to a dead tree.

Addressing Guilt And Shame

Sometimes in a counselee, guild and shame will hinder their progress and growth in the Lord. Discuss forgiveness in Christ (1 John 1:9). A genuine lack of trust in Christ and his atonement is not good. It calls into question what God has said. No condemnation exists for those in Christ (Romans 8:1).

Confronting Dissociaton And False Refuges

Phantasy are false hopes, false places of refuge, lies, nonrealities that can never truly help. You can't relate to God in a non-existent realm. Only God is a refuge. He is ultimate reality. He's why we were created and for him. He can be relied on. A false reality is of no help. Show them Psalms and how the authors turned to God in desperate moments. He gets them through difficult moments (Psalm 62:8; 142:1-2; 31:9-24; 40:1-5).

Learning To Love

Secular psychology teaches us to work on self-esteem, self-image and self-confidence. That's an inward focus. We are to forsake that and focus on loving God and others as the greatest and second greatest commandment teach us. Help counselees to consider others and their needs (Philippians 2:3-4).

Counselees need to know the nature of pride and humility. Study 1 Corinthians 13 and work out how to apply this. Make concrete plans for serving others. The gospel is the driving motive for doing this. Dissociate people then move from inward, self-focused, delusional refuges, to outward acts of love that are God-honoring.

The Importance Of The Body Of Christ

We best display God's image in the community of God.

Thursday, September 29, 2022

BOOK SUMMARY: SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART - CHAPTER 19 - TEEANGERS: TRAINING PROCEDURES

BIG IDEA: We don't stand a chance at shepherding out teens if our goal to is outwit them. We have something much better than that! The Gospel of Christ.

Internalizing The Gospel

We want our teens to embrace Christ on their own. We want them to develop identities as persons under God. The Holy Spirit can only accomplish this ultimate goal, but God uses means--our parents and leading. The point of shepherding them their lives is to see them know God. Yet there is no promise that they will come to know God because we do everything that God required of us. There is still the factor of their godward orientation. If your parents has been less that what God requires, repent and seek His forgiveness, then let your family know that you have to obey God and they should expect to see some changes.

Shepherding The Internalization Of The Gospel

In the teen years they should be growing in their realization of his own sin and brokenness before God. He is aware of his inability to do as he ought. He is not worse than he was but more aware of who he is. They begin to be aware that not everyone agrees with what his parents have taught him. He is being challenged to jettison his beliefs.

Developing A Shepherding Relationship With Teens

Your shepherding at this point is an extension of shepherding them from infancy to childhood, not to the teen years. You are there to influence them.

(1). Authority vs. Influence - Authority can accomplish a lot because you are stronger, smarter and larger. Eventually you have to move to influence because. You can exercise authority by grounding and removing privileges. Or you can influence them by communicating to them what you notice about their sin and behavior and how you want to help them grow to be like God. One is by force, the other is by gentle rebuke and seeking to communicate to their conscience and direct them towards Christ. Our job is to counsel and influence.

(2). Shepherding Through Doubt - Every teen goes through times where they doubt their faith. Do they believe the Word of God for themselves or only because we told them to believe it? They will hit this crisis of belief. This is not a time for a parent to panic. Encourage them to see the robust answers God has given us. We may have to learn a subject they're studying or direct them to apologetics material. These are good times to talk through vain philosophies of mankind. Teens also need older brothers and sisters in Christ in their life who've walked this road before and know the Word.

(3). Positive Interaction - Interact positively with your teens. You have an objective of ministry. If they crash the car they'll know what's more important to you--the car or them. That doesn't mean there aren't consequences for their behavior but your job is to help them through these things with grace not with destructive speech. Proverbs 16:21 The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction. Proverbs 16:23 A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. Teens fail often. Parents need to be skilled at directing their teens to the gospel work of Christ.

(4). Developing An Adult Relationship - What are your Christian relationships like with other believers? Seek to develop that with your teen even though they are under your shepherding.

(5). Waiting For The Right Time - Again, consider how you interact with Christian friends when they sin. You don't pounce on them right away. You use wisdom and discernment about when and how to talk to them. Do the same with your teens.

(6). Deal With Broad Themes - You don't nitpick your friends in their walk with Christ. You generally look for broad patterns of sin. Do the same with your teens.

(7). Allow Room For Disagreement - That's not the same as disrespect. You can disagree with your adult friends while remaining cordial. Same for your teens. Parents need to distinguish between their own style or preferences and what is actually biblical. We don't always have to have our way on preferences. Don't die on hills of preference. They don't matter. God and His Word matters. The soul of your child matters. You're not trying to create mini-mes or carbon copies by getting them to like everything you like.

(8). Beyond Internalization - You want to help them develop a Christian mind even after teen years. Help them develop relationship in the church. Help them develop godly relationships among their peers. Help them find their place in ministry in the church, not just your family. Help them find a career to fulfill what God has called them to. Eventually they'll establish their own family and need to do what you have done in rearing them. While they are your child, they are on their own now. The relationship has changed as you've done your job. God willing, you will have a strong relationship with them as they grow and build godly relationships with other parents.

(9). Entrusting Your Children To God - Parenting is a temporary task. We have to leave the rest to God.

BOOK SUMMARY: SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART - CHAPTER 18 - TEENAGERS: TRAINING OBJECTIVES

BIG IDEA: Teenage years bring about situations that require additional shepherding. This time period is from puberty until they leave home and are independent.

Signs Of The Times

Teens are trying to formulate their own independent identity in a world with so many thoughts and philosophies. They know how to talk but their ideas are still forming so the home needs to be a place where discussion is natural, honest and encouraged.

They are going through a host of changes, not just bodily, but socially, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. They have fears, anxiety, apprehension all while trying to transition from childhood to adulthood. They need direction even though they may have tendencies of rebellion rooted in trying to establish independence.

Rebellion

Rebellion could be tied to a growing struggle for independence. Or it could be tied to the heart issue that has been there all along. Sometimes parents try to attribute manifest rebellion to a change in circumstances (a move, new friends, music). The reality is the problem runs much deeper.

Sometimes rebellion comes from the fact that some kids constantly suffer the humiliation of public reproof. The anger festers over year and children are too timid to express their anger and it comes out later in teen years.

Teens that hang with rebellious teens do so because they are also rebels. It's not the company he is with. It's already in his heart.

Three Foundations For Life

Proverbs 1:7-19 lays out direction for the helping a parent in teen years.

(1). The Fear Of The Lord - The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. Teens are making decisions that are important. We want to continue to shepherd their hearts. Their godward orientation will determine how they interact with your godly shepherding. Everyone worships--either God or idols. Our teens need to be motivated by a sense of awe for God. Their choices will hopefully reflect this. Our teens are accountable to God and God sees and knows all. Living in this awareness is the fear of God.

Reading through the minor prophets helps our teens to know the holiness of God. Our teens live in a culture with a low view of God. God is awesome! Teens need a sober view of God.

The whole family needs to know the fear of the Lord. It must be lived out in front of them on a daily basis. Help them to understand the fear of the Lord. They know the fear of man and make decisions based on their fear of men. The same holds true of God. They need to live to please and honor God knowing there are consequences for moving outside of His realm of blessing. God is a consuming fire. The fear of man produces bondage. The teen who understands the fear of God will be delivered from danger--hell! He will grow in wisdom and the knowledge of God.

(2). Adherence To Parental Instruction - Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck (Proverbs 1:8-9). See also Proverbs 6. Teens will be blessed if they listen to their godly parents. Teens need to see and embrace their parents as a source of wisdom. You know them and God more. You love them the most and are the most committed to them. To abandon the instruction of a godly mother and father is deadly.

You must be open and honest with your kids, giving them advice from God, not that which suites your selfish interests. They won't receive instruction from you if you selfishly parent. When your teens see you as a source of wisdom and godliness, they will call you in adult years for advice. Teens that take godly counsel will be wiser than their teachers (see Proverbs 119:99-100).

(3). Contexts For Parental Instruction - Deuteronomy 6 sets the context for parental instruction - daily living. It doesn't require perfection, just integrity before God.

(4). Family Worship - Family worship must be connected with the world and life as your teens experience it.

(5). Disassociation From The Wicked - Proverbs 1:10 - My son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them. Living with the wicked means learning wicked ways. In Proverbs 1:10-19 there is a lot of the word "US" in the passage. The wicked are calling others to belong. Camaraderie is an appeal to everyone and the wicked us this appeal to entice others to rebel against God. The call to associate with wicked people will come to our teens. Therefore, the home must be a place where teens are love, accepted and feel like they belong. We must work to make our home an attractive place to be.

BOOK SUMMARY: SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART - CHAPTER 17 - CHILDHOOD: TRAINING PROCEDURES

BIG IDEA: Whatever motivates behavior is what trains the heart. Therefore, we cannot use the idols of the heart to train a child.

Addressing The Heart

The heart directs behavior. Behavior comes from what's inside all of us (Luke 6:45). We can't forget principles of communication from chapters 8-10. We must help children figure out why they commit sin.

Appealing To The Conscience

Change in the heart begins with conviction of sin. Conviction of sin comes through the conscience. The conscience is affected by God's Word and a child's awareness of their relation to God. Jesus forced people to judge their own motives (ie. Good Samaritan parable and in Luke 10, the lawyer). The conscience is our ally (Romans 2:14-15). It accuses or excuses. Dealing with the conscience helps a child to avoid a set of rules they can keep and forces them to deal with God, not you. When they become aware of the sinfulness then we point them to Jesus, the Savior.

Develop Character

Character is living with who God is and who I am.

Training Character - We must call our children to be holy in reference to God. Apart from God they'll be able to achieve a "standard" of perfection. But when compared to God they'll see their sin. We don't want to train them to see no need for God.

Interpreting Behavior In Character Terms

Character must be addressed in long-term goals. We cannot say that a fight over a toy is just a fight over a toy. There's a heart issue being manifested in character. It is selfishness. Our insight towards our children's behavior must see things this way. They are not things they'll grow out up. We must shepherd their hearts.

A Long-Term Vision

We must think not about here and now only, but long-term. Example: addressing cranky morning behavior is important. How do we address that? Do we remind them to be grateful for the life God has given? Do we remind them that God says to do all things without grumbling or complaining? Do we remind them that Christ died for such sin? Do we encourage them to have an attitude of worship upon waking?

Wednesday, September 28, 2022

ECCLESIOLOGY #1 - DISCIPLESHIP

Ekklesia (or ecclesia) is the Greek word church. In a general sense ekklesia refers to a gathering of citizens who are called out from their home. An assembly is what we could call this. When in reference to all Christians, it refers to those who are called out of the world to be God's people. This refers to Christians of all ages. Yet in another sense, there is a weekly assembly in which God calls His elect to leave their homes and gather together in public. Putting these two ideas together, the church is a worldwide community that is called out from among the world to assemble each week in local communities for the purpose of worshipping the Savior.

Ecclesiology, then, is the study of the church. Specifically, what is studied? Among other things, ecclesiology includes studying when the church came to be, its purpose, its ordinances, its government, its relation to Jesus and its relation to other believers. As a subset to government and relationship to other believers, I would place discipleship. Disciple is about being trained to train someone else who can train others to train others to know and follow Christ. In other words, discipleship is about making disciple-making-disciples.

I say that discipleship is a subset of church government and our relationship to other believers because (1). elders, the leaders of the church, or the men who govern the church, are to be the teachers of God's word alongside being example setters for others to follow and (2). Christians are to disciple other Christians. For a moment I'd like to focus on how it is that elders partly disciple other believers.

In 1 Timothy 3:1-7 the Apostle Paul gives Timothy a rundown of the qualifications of an elder/pastor/bishop/overseer. Paul says that if someone desires to do this then that man desires a noble task. So we must understand that being an elder is task oriented. What's interesting is that a lot of what Paul mentions in these verses are character and competency issues. Have a read for yourself.

1 Timothy 3:1-7 Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. 2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) 6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. 7 He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap.

The character issues are above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, not given to drunkeness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, and not a lover of money. These are issues related to the heart--issues related to holiness.

The tasks at hand are that he be able to teach and that he manage His household well which is also a character issue. These are both competency issues. The man must be able to understand and communicate God's Word in a way that people can grow to be like Christ. The man must also have the skill, competency and leadership abilities to lead his family well.

Two other things are mentioned and I'd put them into a category of description, not task or character issues per se. Those things mentioned are not a recent convert and he must also have a good reputation with outsiders. Being a recent convert versus being a long-term convert is a subjective term in some sense, but it's not something that has to do with character issues or competency. It has to do with the length a potential elder has been a believer so that he doesn’t fall into pride. A potential elder must have a good reputation in the community. While this is connected to the issue of character, it is more of a description of one's overall character or reputation in the community.

So with some basic understanding out of the way, I want to point out that being a pastor is very task oriented. In what way? Put simply, as pastor is called to teach what God's Word says and then model how God's Word is lived out in this world. That's why teaching and character are so important. The church must hear what God's Word says. And then elders must model how to apply it, not just teach. This is why an elder must be able to teach and must have a godly disposition of heart in all these things.

In 1 Timothy 3:14-15, Paul explains why he has just given Timothy instructions on the qualifications of elders and deacons. Here's what he says:

1 Timothy 3:14-15 Although I hope to come to you soon, I am writing you these instructions so that, 15 if I am delayed, you will know how people ought to conduct themselves in God’s household, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and foundation of the truth

The point of making sure the elders and deacons are properly qualified is so that the rest of the church will know how to conduct themselves. So elders teach and elders model godly character and behavior. In order for the church to know how to properly conduct themselves they must receive God's Word from an elder and then model their lives after the elder who has godly character. Ultimately, this means that elders must incorporate others into their lives. Elders have to give other believers the opportunity to see truth in action.

Let me share how I do this, as it was shown to me by other pastors/elders in my life. My wife and I often take our church people out to dinner. Sometimes we have them over to our home. Sometimes we go places with people. In all these instances we are incorporating them into our lives. Why? Because I've spent sermon after sermon teaching them God's Word and, as an elder, I now want to show them what living in this world looks like as a kingdom citizen. In doing so, they will see how I interact with my wife and manage my household. This is something many believers struggle with. Yeah, I've preached about marriage, but now they need to see a Christian marriage in action. In taking a family out to eat, they'll see how I interact with restaurant staff with smiles and politeness, not frowns and demands. They're going to see how I respond if my order is not prepared correctly. Many believers are demanding when dealing with restaurant staff. I want them to see there's a godly way to interact with unbelievers. When we sit down to eat, if alcohol is ordered, then I want them to see that enjoying God's gifts is a good thing and that doesn't require or justify drunkeness. Moderation needs to be modeled. If I invite others along for an off-road adventure, I want them to see God's creation and how its beauty is meant to inspire us to worship Him--that it's not just there for amusement. These are things I deliberately think about when spending time with our church members.

Today I had the blessing of having the day off. My plan was to go visit our daughter with my wife. She had been unable to come home recently due to work and school obligations so we thought we'd pay her a visit. There was a fellow believer that she wanted to come along with us and so I invited him over to my house several hours prior to our departure. For the first 90 minutes we hung out at my house and we talked shop. That is to say, we talked theology, discipleship, ministry, church life, worship, Scripture. No particular topics were planned. We just had normal conversation that was godward. It was rich and edifying to both of us.

At this point, I knew that I had about an hour left before my wife was home at which point we'd depart to see our daughter. So I asked this young man if he wanted to play a video game. It's not ungodly by any means to pivot from a long conversation about theology to something of amusement. So we jumped on a couple games and ended up playing an old school snowboarding game that required us to finish various slaloms within a specified time. Basically it was a race against the clock. As we progressed the courses got more difficult and we were crashing all over the place. We laughed hard as we cheered each other on to beat the clock. My wife came home and heard us having a great time laughing and high-fiving each other. Then we left.

On the hour-long drive to see our daughter we had more great conversation about God, work, life, ministry, family and so much more. I got to know this young man better and he got to know my wife and I better. And it was great hearing my wife ask him questions I wouldn't normally have asked. That's how she makes such a great ministry partner for me.

Then we picked up our daughter from her college dorm and the family/friend reunion was on. At this point, I did some talking but not as much because I wanted our daughter to catch up with our brother in Christ. It was awesome hearing them exchange stories and laughing and catching up. I'd interject every now and then, but they did the bulk of the talking on the way to a restaurant.

At the restaurant we glossed over the menu and we ordered our food. Unfortunately for our server, I had to ask a lot of questions about food items but I did it politely and with humor. I have a recent health issue that was brought to my attention by my doctor and so I had to know the particular contents of the entrees. She was helpful and I graciously thanked her for her help and understanding. My family teased me a bit and waitress took note of it and laughed about it. I told her, "You should see how them treat me when no one is around. If you hear me say the word "fruit juice" that's code for "I need help. Call 911." She laughed. The food came. We prayed and enjoyed God's goodness. Our family custom is to take care of our daughter's friends and young believers whenever we go out to eat in public. So we did this with our young brother in Christ. We do this because several pastors set an example for us when we were young, super broke and in college. They treated us an left an indelible impression on us.

So at dinner my young brother has been seeing my family in action. He's watching an elder with his wife and with his daughter. My character has now been on display for several hour since he first came to my house. He's heard me talk about godly things, he's seen a playful pastor who enjoys God's gifts and he's seeing me interact with my family in a public setting. He's heard me teach how we're to be godly in this world for the sake of Christ. Now he's observing it without me telling him to observe and learn and imitate. He's catching what he's watching. In fact, he recently observed how my home is led and operated and his comment was, "When I look at your home I see stewardship." Inside I rejoiced at God's work and what's He's doing. It wasn't a proud moment for me but it was a moment of celebration in God.

After dinner we went to a local store and did a little bit of shopping. My wife and daughter went one direction and this young man and I went another. As we were looking at different items we'd joke about this or that and laughed most of the time in the store. When we were done we took our daughter back to her dorm and prayed for a situation she is dealing with at school. We wanted God to move in the situation and for His glory to be known. Then we drove home and had another hour of awesome conversation about his family and aspirations for his own family. We even enjoyed some worship songs during the ride. When we got back to my house it was time for him to head home. He had to work early the next morning. But as he left he said, "this was an awesome day." I told him that it refreshed my soul and I enjoyed it, too.

I don't know the exact amount of time, but today's spontaneous discipleship session was about 8 hours. It wasn't formal. It wasn't planned. It wasn't scripted. It wasn't forced. It was simply an outflow of living life together. Times like this are needed. They don't need to be so long. They don't need to encompass so much. I just painted a picture of the day so you could see various elements of what it looks like to model for a young man what the Christian life looks like for a married elder, who has a daughter. This doesn't get to happen every week, but spending time with believers for extended time does happen many times throughout the month. The time I spend with them doesn't always include sitting at a table with Bibles propped open. Yes, that has to take place, but not to the exclusion of modeling godly behavior in the public arena.

Jesus was a master discipler. When He called His disciples to follow Him, He didn't just mean a weekly meeting with some teaching. When a rabbi called disciples, if they chose to follow, they literally left everything to follow this man to learn from him and to observe his life 24/7. They listened to his teaching and studied his life. That's what Jesus' disciples committed to and that's what Jesus was calling them to...learning and imitating. And that is why an elder must be able to teach and must have godly character. The godly character isn't there for just personal holiness, but for corporate holiness as well. The Apostle Paul makes it clear that this is why an elder must be properly qualified. The godly character and behavior of the church depends on the elders' ability to teach God's word and model Christ-like behavior. And you can't model godly behavior if interaction with church members is limited to public teaching only. It just doesn't work that way.

This brings me back to ecclesiology or the study of the church, specifically, the area of discipleship. Proper discipleship is tied to proper church governing. Proper discipleship includes believers discipling other believers correctly. Elders must show believers how to disciple and if we never spend time with people outside of our teaching times, then we aren't discipling properly because we'll be limited in what we can model for them. It's one thing to be taught things in theory. It's another thing to be placed in a workshop where one can practice what they've been taught.

I pray that a better understanding of ecclesiology leads you to better practices in the church for God's glory. Now what are you waiting for? Go find a disciple. Teach them some things. Then live some life together in this world. Then help them to do what you just did. If this is what elders do, then you are to imitate that as a believer.

Friday, September 23, 2022

BOOK SUMMARY: SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART - CHAPTER 16 - CHILDHOOD: TRAINING OBJECTIVES

BIG IDEA: Training objectives for infants are different than training objectives for childhood (ages 5-12).

Childhood

This is the age from starting school to puberty. Independence is growing along with personality. More time is spent without oversight of the parents. New experiences are everywhere. Abilities are defining interests.

(1). One Big Issue

Assuming your child knows they were created by God and under His authority, they will now be confronted with situations that can't be reduced to issues of obedience.

(2). Character Development

They need to develop character. They need to learn dependability, honest, kindness, consideration, helpfulness, diligence, loyalty, humility, self-control, moral purity and a lot more. You won't always be with your child. They need wisdom and a developed conscience.

(3). The Change In Focus From Stage One

Obedience is the focus for infants. You must address behavior that is wrong but not defiant. Example: Selfishness and ridicule are wrong but not defiant. We must help them see sinful attitudes and behaviors that are not directly related to defiance of a parent. If a parent is busy doing things, it's good to teach our children to be concerned about others.

(4). A Common Sidetrack

How do you address the child who's eating all his candy without considering the possibility of sharing with others? He's not being mean or defiant or disobedient. Yet we want to teach them to share. You could ask them to share but then it becomes a matter of obedience and you're trying to shape their heart, not just their behavior.

(5). The Problem Of Phariseeism

Creating rules for everything doesn't fix the problem but creates smug and self-righteous people who only keep rules. They might be clean on the outside but they are filthy on the inside like the Pharisees.

Three-Pronged Tool Of Diagnosis

We need a grid to chart strengths and weaknesses so that we can focus on their real needs.

(1). The Child In A Relationship To God

Is your child living in conscious need for God? What is the content of their relationship with God? Doe they show a concern to know and love God? Do they go to God for comfort and help? Are they growing in this apart from you? Does your child have idols? Do they ever talk about God? These are not questions of biblical truth but questions of knowing and loving God because of the gospel.

(2). The Child In Relationship To Himself

How well does your child know himself? Does he know his strengths and weaknesses? Is he conscious of his sins or his spiritual gifts? Your children need to know themselves and appreciate how God has made them for His service. Is your child shy or confident? Are there phobias? Can she work independently or does she need others to stay on task?

(3). The Child In Relationship To Others

How do they interact with others? What does she bring out in others? Does he need the approval and attention of others? How do they respond when sinned against?

Periodic Review

Once or twice a year take inventory of your child. List the things you are pleased with. List your concerns. Develop a strategy for dealing with the concerns. Continue to develop the areas that are good.

Thursday, September 22, 2022

BOOK SUMMARY: SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART - CHAPTER 15 - INFANCY TO CHILDHOOD: TRAINING PROCEDURES

BIG IDEA: Consistency is required in disciplining disobedience. If you are inconsistent then you'll go through cycles where kids obey and then they become disobedient as you get lax in your calling.

As soon as your child begins to disobey they step out of the circle of safety. They need to be rescued. Discipline is a rescue operation. Use communication and the rod. The rod is primary during younger years because a child does not give words proper weight. His attention is gained when words are accompanied by a sound spanking.

The When Of Spanking

A spanking is needed when a child has understood your instructions and orders and has not obeyed you without challenge, excuse or delay. When you fail to spank you fail to obey God as well and you treat God's Word as casual. It shows a lack of love for your child. If you accept challenge, excuse or delay you are not training your child in submission.

We must not warn or ask if they want to be spanked. If you do this you are training them to wait for a warning. When you speak for the first time, they need to know that you have spoken for the last time. Rebellion must be challenged when it comes with attitude, a look or whining, or outright failure to do as instructed. The disobedient child is acting as if there is no God which is what a fool is.

The How Of Spanking

You MUST avoid response in anger. You must treat them with respect and dignity. You must temper unwavering firmness with kindness and gentleness. Discipline is a rescue mission.

(1). Take your child to a private place where he can be spoken with in privacy. Never discipline in front of others. The point is not to humiliate but to shepherd the heart.

(2). Tell your child specifically what he has done wrong or failed to do. Never spank for general issues like "I've had it!" Spankings must be issue focused.

(3). Secure an acknowledgment from your child for what they have done. This ensures that they know why they are being spanked.

(4). Remind your child that the function of the spanking is not to express your frustration but to restore them to a place where God can bless them. Express concern that they are not living under your authority. You do not have the right to hit your child under any circumstance other than biblically sanctioned discipline.

(5). Tell the child how many swats they'll receive. This signals you are in control. Every child will require a different amount of swats.

(6). Ensure that clothing does not lessen the effect of the spanking. It is best to lay the child across your lap to ensure that you are spanking in the context of your physical relationship. They are not a neutral object.

(7). After the spanking, hug your child and tell them how much you love them. Remind them that you are grieved to have to do this. There should be complete restoration between you and your child at this point. If the child is mad at you, check two things. Check your own spirit. Were you too rough or did you sin against your child? Was unholy anger used? If so, you must confess your sin to your child and ask for forgiveness. Check his spirit. Is he trying to punish you for what you've done? If so, discipline is not over. Hebrews 12:11...discipline is unpleasant but yields a harvest of righteousness. If righteousness has not bee produced, then discipline is not over. If the child is not restored after another spanking then continue to communicate to the child. Let them know you love them. You want the restored to you. More importantly, you want them submitting to God. Let them know you will pray for them and that you will pray for yourself to be a wise and kind parent. When discipline is over, the slate is clean. There's no carryover. Grounding and further punishment are not necessary.

(8). Pray with your child. Confess gospel truth. Ask God for help in parenting. Ask God for help in molding the child's heart.

The Why Of Spanking

God commands it. It enables you to deal with heart issues. Discipline addresses the heart not behavior alone. The focal point is always the heart. Spanking is God's method of driving foolishness far from the child's heart.

What Is A Spanking Issue?

Spanking is reserved for issues of defiance. You cannot wait for your child to start talking to discipline them.

When Is A Child Too Old?

It depends on your child's disposition and temperament and maturity. Spanking is best for younger children.

Can I Use Time-Out Instead Of Spanking?

We don't have the right to change God's method of discipline. You need to trust God and obey.

What If My Child Says, "But I Didn't Hear You?"

You need to discuss this hearing issue with your child and let them know it's not acceptable. They will be held accountable for tuning you out and will be spanked. They need to be attuned to your voice.

If I Follow Your Counsel, All I'll Do Is Spank

If parents are consistent with discipline and spanking then the child's need for discipline decreases. You could have a child who is disobedient all day because you tolerate disobedience.

What If I'm Too Mad?

Instruct your child to take a seat or go to their room. Then you must go to God and repent of your anger. Stay there until you are able to Biblical and lovingly deal with your child.

What If We're Not Home?

Do not spank in public. See a private place to talk and spank. The purpose of discipline is not for public evangelism or to promote your convictions. It's not about saving face. The purpose is to shepherd your children.

What If I Know My Child Is Lying To Me?

Try to secure honest responses through discussion. Remind them that God requires integrity. Do not call your child a liar. Is there scriptural support for this? I'm not sure.

What If I'm Not Sure What Happened?

There's nothing to do is you aren't sure and your child won't confess. There'll be other times to address their heart. Your credibility increases if you do not discipline when things are unclear.

What If Nothing Works?

Ask, "Are there inconsistencies or holes in my discipline?" You need to be prepared to be obedient when you do not see immediate fruit.

What If It's Too Late?

(1). Sit down with your children explain your new insights. Confess you've been parenting wrong. Focus on your deficiencies not theirs.

(2). Seek their forgiveness for your parental failures.

(3). Explain the biblical importance of being under authority. Explain the blessing of being under God's authority.

(4). Give them specific direction about what you think are needed changes in behavior and attitude.

(5). Determine how you'll respond to future disobedience. Make sure they understand.

(6). Don't be manipulative. Be biblical.

(7). Be patient. It's hard to change unbiblical familial behavior. Study the Scriptures together.

Sunday, September 18, 2022

SERMON: MALACHI 3:7-12, GOD'S LOVE FOR GIVING

SERMON: God's Love For Giving

SERMONAUDIO: Audio

YOUTUBE: Video

TEXT: Malachi 3:7-12

SERIES: Malachi

Saturday, September 17, 2022

BOOK SUMMARY: SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART - CHAPTER 14 - INFANCY TO CHILDHOOD: TRAINING OBJECTIVES

BIG IDEA: There is a lot of change from infancy to childhood, from birth to ages 4 or 5. Change is the primary characteristic of this period.

Primary Characteristic - Change

(1). Physical Change

(2). Social Change - From mother, to father to extended family to church family to even their own friends

(3). Intellectual Change - The child learns words, concepts, values, etc.

(4). Spiritual Change - The child may or may not be shepherded spiritually. They will begin to know and love God or they will begin to serve other gods in rebellion to the true God.

Understanding Authority

(1). One Big Lesson - Your child is under authority. See Ephesians 6:1-3

(2). Godward Focus - They must see obedience as a response to God. They will never submit to you without knowing this truth. Children's submission to parents is a subset of submitting to God. Establish this truth early in their life--right way.

Circle Of Blessing

(1). Things Will Go Well - See Ephesians 6:1-3. They must obey you for their sake, not yours.

(2). Safety Rather Than Danger - Physical danger and spiritual danger are a risk when children don't obey their parents

(3). The Rescue Function - Communication and the rod restore children to safety

Honoring Defined

Honoring a parent means treating them with respect due to their position of authority. The parent must train their child to do this. The parent must be honorable in their conduct and demeanor.

Children must not command their parents or speak to them as they would their peers. A parent who treats their child with respect and dignity will learn to treat their parents that way.

Obedience Defined

It's the child doing what they are told without challenge, excuse or delay. Submission to authority means that the child will have to do things they do not want to do.

Call For Consistency

The rules have to be the same every day. Never allow your children to disobey you without addressing it. To disobey is to move out of the circle of blessing and to put themselves at danger.

Process Of Appeal

Once the child knows how to obey, then they can be taught how to appeal to their authorities. You cannot accept refusal to obey, but you can teach them to appeal to authority (See Daniel 1). The appeal process on their part allows you to consider if you have spoken too harsh or in haste. They need to know that their parents can rescind their directives if it's for good.

Pattern For Appeal

(1). You begin to obey immediately

(2). You must be prepared to obey no matter what

(3). You must appeal in a respectful manner

(4). You must accept the outcome of the appeal with a gracious spirit

Parents should habitually say "yes" to the appeal unless there is good reason not to. We can't be lazy and not think through their appeals.

We must model submission at home, at work, at a state level, at church.

Shepherding Your Children In Godly Attitudes

The gospel is irrelevant to a child who's been told how good and perfect he is all his life. This is not biblical communication or parenting. We know our children are born with a sinful nature. We must show them their sin in relation to God so that the gospel will be good news to them. We must address their actions and their heart with biblical communication.

Benefits Of Learning To Live Under Authority

God has promised to bless that child who lives under his parents' authority. A child trained to live under authority will understand the gospel better. A child trained under authority will learn that he has to listen to God, not himself. A child trained under authority will realize that our hearts that produce evil actions have temporal and eternal consequences.

Save Time - Do It Right

Don't wait to teach them to obey without challenge, delay or excuse. It's harder to try and teach them later when they've learned the sinful habit of disobedience.