BOOK SUMMARY: DEACONS (HOW THEY SERVE AND STRENGTHEN THE CHURCH) - INTRODUCTION

EVERYONE DEACONS

Diakonos appears 29 times in the NT and means servant or minister (Matthew 23:11-12, Mark 9:35, John 12:26).  Jesus is the ultimate deacon (Mark 10:45). In a technical sense, it is one of two offices in the NT for the local church that require ordination--elders and deacons. 

CONTRASTING CLONES

Deacons should delight in shouldering practical tasks so that the elders can channel their energies into prayer and ministry of the Word. Deacons wrongly deployed can cut your ministry in half, but deacons rightly employed can double your ministry. Deacons are difference makers. 

MANIFESTO AND MANUAL

Chapter 1 - Church history sketch of deacons

Chapter 2 - Forerunners to deacons

Chapter 3 - Qualifications for deacons

Chapter 4 - What deacons must do

Chapter 5 - Stories of faithful deacons

Chapter 6 - Who deacons must reflect

Appendix - Can women serve as deacons?

Deacons are model servants that excel at being responsive to tangible needs in the life of the church.  By assisting they also guard the ministry of the Word. Without biblical functioning deacons a church will become unhealthy. We cannot elevate their role (they are not elders). Neither should minimize it (they are not glorified janitors). 

BOOK SUMMARY: WHEN SINNERS SAY I DO - CHAPTER 5 - MERCY TRIUMPHS OVER JUDGMENT

A CURIOUS COMMAND

Jesus delivered a command of mercy to people who were mistreated by Jews and Romans: tax collectors, prostitutes, peasants and fishermen (Luke 6:27-37).

GIVING SHAPE TO MERCY

Mercy is God's undeserved compassion on people who are in a pitiful state. God chose to love us while we were His hell-bound enemies. God gives us mercy in order to pass it on. Do you see your spouse through the eyes of God's mercy? Mercy sweetens marriage.

PASS IT ALONG

Marriage is a place where masks come off (intentionally or not). In seeing our spouse in all sorts of situations we are supposed to become aware of their needs so we can demonstrate God's mercy.

MERCY IN REAL TIME

Mercy transforms our desire to win battles to a desire to represent Christ.  Mercy brings Christ into the "crisis" of money conflicts, dinner plans, disheveled items, untimeliness, unmet expectations and much more. We are not just sinners, but the object of people's sin. 

MERCY BEFORE THE FACT: PRACTICE KINDNESS

God still relates to us in love in spite of every sinful action and thought He sees in us. His love and kindness to us is meant to lead us to repentance (Romans 2:4). God doesn't just show mercy. He is merciful. We are called to continue in the kindness we have received (Romans 11:22). This means we are to continually show mercy and kindness not just when we are sinned against. Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). You need to sow mercy into your marriage that that mercy grows continually.

MERCY WHEN UNDER ATTACK: DO UNTO OTHERS

We don't enjoy having sin committed against us so let us not commit sin against our spouse. Ask yourself, "What patters of sin are causing persistent problems in my marriage?" When you're not fighting ask your spouse, "What behavior of mine expresses anger or lack of love for you?"  

MERCY AFTER THE FACT: COVER SIN

Small sins cause some of the biggest fires in marriage. Scripture says that we can overlook these offenses (Proverbs 19:11). In overlooking the sin, we don't ignore it or act like it didn't happen, instead we choose to forgive and not bring it up or dwell on it.  This is different than letting patterns of sin or egregious sin going unchecked. Nevertheless, there are times when we can cover a multitude of sins with forbearance (1 Peter 4:8). Covering sin with love removes it being an issue. 

MERCY DEFEATS OUR TRUE ENEMY

Self-righteousness shows up when people sin against us or we encounter their weaknesses. We all have sin. We all have weaknesses (physical or spiritual). We need God's mercy and we must pass it on. We need to sympathize with others in their sin and weakness. Self-righteous people act like they have no sin or weaknesses. Jesus was tempted and yet without sin. Consequently, He can sympathize with us and offer us help (Hebrew 4:15).  Would your spouse say that you sympathize with their weaknesses or that you sit in judgment over them?

MERCY TRIUMPHS OVER JUDGMENT

Blessed are the merciful for they shall receive mercy (Matthew 5:7).

BOOK SUMMARY: WHEN SINNERS SAY I DO - CHAPTER 4 - TEST DRIVE YOUR DOCTRINE

PUT IN IN DRIVE

When God saves us, God continues to draw us to His love as He teaches us by His Word. How do we act on what we know and believe about God? How do we apply wisdom to marriage. Wisdom is a life of decisions when someone is rightly related to God. Wisdom isn't how much you know. It's a life submitted to God in our thinking and doing. Ultimately, Christ is our wisdom (1 Corinthians 1:30). That's why we can ask God for it (James 1:5).  

FIRST GEAR: IN HUMILITY SUSPECT YOURSELF FIRST

As the chief of sinners, true humility is living confidently in Christ's righteousness and being suspicious of our own. In marital conflicts, being primarily and regularly suspicious of myself means that I've acknowledged that my heart plays the central role in my behavior and that my heart is prone to wander from God and His ways.   

SECOND GEAR: IN INTEGRITY, INSPECT YOURSELF

We often want to fix our marriages problems by fixing our spouse. Scripture doesn't give us permission to make our spouse's sins first priority (Matthew 7:3-5). Hypocrites are speck focused. Our primary duty is to inspect ourselves first. Jesus' emphasis is not on who is more at fault but on whom your focus is. If you suspect yourself (humility), then you are more likely to inspect yourself first (integrity). This will lower your irritation and soften your tone. In your conflict are you trying to vindicate yourself, be proven right, show yourself spiritually superior...or are you serving your spouse and trying to bless them?

THIRD GEAR: ADMIT THAT CIRCUMSTANCES ONLY REVEAL EXISTING SIN

Blame-shifting will fool some of the people some of the time, but it will never fool God any of the time. No one makes us sin. We don't sin because of our circumstances. See Matthew 15:10-20. Sin is already in our heart. That's where the problem is.

FOURTH GEAR: FOCUS ON UNDESERVED GRACE, NOT UNMET NEEDS

Secular counselors believe marriage problems are due to unmet needs. The Bible says that the problem is unsatisfied desires (James 4:1-2).  Scripture places the blame for conflict on how bad I want something regardless of how legitimate that desire is.  Can our spouse's behavior tempt us to sin? Absolutely, but they can never make us sin. That comes from within. 

Needs are not wrong. We are dependent on God to meet our needs. But genuine needs and desires disguised as needs are different. It's not wrong to desire various expressions of affection, but those good things are out of order if we define them as needs. When we define desires as needs we can become demanding or manipulating. Our truest needs are met in Christ's death and resurrection.

BOOK SUMMARY: WHEN SINNERS SAY I DO - CHAPTER 3 - THE FOG OF WAR AND THE LAW OF SIN

Summary: Chapter 1 - We must have an accurate biblical theology. Chapter 2 - We must believe that each of us is the worst of sinners. Chapter 3 - We'll look at the nature of sin and how we tend to respond to it.

When we are sinned against, we are typically tempted to get angry with our spouse. But our goal should be to defeat sin, not to let it break out. If fighting ensues, then we are called to be peacemakers. The benefit of the new birth is that we can have victory over sin as we are informed by God's Word and empowered by His Spirit. Our marriages can be redeemed and they can grow in sweetness. 

FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM IN THE CLASH OF DESIRES

In Galatians 5:1 we learn that those who are free in Christ are free from trying to be justified by obedience to the OT Law. We  are not to remain under the tyranny of the law but neither should we use our freedom in Christ to embrace sin (Galatians 5:13).  The conflicts we have in our marriages are a clash of desires between the flesh and the Spirit (Galatians 5:17). The flesh is a phrase we synonymously with remaining sin, the sin nature, the old man, indwelling sin.  And the flesh keeps us from doing the things we want to do. Although Christ paid the price for our sin, sin still remains. We have been saved from sin's penalty (justification) and still need to be saved from the desire to sin (sanctification). We cannot wrongly blame our sin on the behavior of our spouse. We cannot rightly say, "we have marriage problems." We should say, "I have a sin problem." 

SO HOW DID THIS FIGHT GET STARTED?

Without exception, we are the problem. Jesus made it clear. What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart and this defiles a person (Matthew 15:18-20a).  James explains that it's our passions at war within us that cause us to quarrel (James 4:1-3).  When asked, "What is wrong with the world?" G.K. Chesteron replied, "I am."  

THE FOG OF WAR

The war against sin can feel chaotic and confusing (Romans 7:22-23). Sometimes sin within is surprising. That is expressed in words like, "I can't believe I did that" or "Where did that come from?" Any sin can pop us at any time and any sin can become enslaving.  The law of sin keeps us from admitting our faults, from fulfilling our responsibilities, from spending time with God, from investing in each other and so much more. We are often good at seeing the law of sin in our spouse but not in ourselves. 

THE BETRAYAL OF SIN

• Sin is crafty - We depend on God for our needs, but sin flips that around and makes God accountable to us for our wants. Although we are blessed by God, sin says that we are victimized by God. 
• Sin is alluring - "Don't be silly, Eve. You're not going to die. You'll become like him." Eve went from being accountable to a loving God to being a victim of an insecure God who was pathetically threatened by her autonomy.  
• Sin is treacherous - Thomas Watson wrote, "Sin first courts, and then kills. Whoever sin kills, it betrays."  See James 1:15

DANCING ON THE FIELD OF VICTORY

We do not have to be disheartened when sin shows us. Romans 8:1-4 teaches us that we are not condemned in Christ. Jesus took in His flesh (body) the penalty we deserve for walking in the flesh (sin nature). God does not view us in relations to our sin but in relation to Christ. He did for us what the law of God requires and we get the credit for that by faith. Then His Spirit helps us to walk accordingly. 

BOOK SUMMARY: WHEN SINNERS SAY I DO - CHAPTER 2 - WAKING UP WITH THE WORST OF SINNERS

If I love my spouse, why do I find it so easy to treat them like I don't?  We can be harsh, critical, inconsiderate, frustrated, unappreciative and so much more in a host of situations. We aren't immune from these sins or situations simply because we are Christians.

PAUL'S CONFESSION AND OURS

In 1 Timothy 1:15 Paul states that Christ came to save sinners of whom he [Paul] is the foremost. Paul is not comparing himself to others but talking about what goes on in his own heart. He sees more of his own sin on a daily basis than anyone else's sin. He's the biggest sinner he knows. Paul then goes on to say that Jesus Christ displayed His perfect patience to the foremost of sinners as an example of the kind of saving that Jesus can do. In light of God's holiness, Paul was aware of his sin. He likewise was aware of God's mercy when contrasted against his sin.

THE BIBLICAL REALITY OF JOYFUL WRETCHES

A great awareness of our sin leads us to exult in God (1 Timothy 1:17).  To think that our sin is small results in loving others less (Luke 7:47). We must see our sin a vastly disgusting, so that grace is amazing, so that may love God and others correctly. Until sin be bitter, marriage may not be sweet.

ROB, SALLY, AND THE REST OF US

If our fights are not grounded in this reality, the proper solutions will escape up.  Our sin pitted up against God's grace enables us to overlook sin, to correct our spouse graciously and to be patient when repentance doesn't come about as quickly as we'd like. Understanding that we are sinners that are being saved from the desire to sin, we can know that God is using us to help our spouse to become more like Christ. Understanding our sin nature and God's purpose in saving us will also make it easier to receive correction from our spouse when we are in sin. Secular psychology does not have the answers to our dilemma and helps us to justify our sin (birth order, temperament, addiction, dysfunctional families, etc,) and leaves you in victim status. If you take away the reality of sin, then possibility of repentance is removed and there is no hope of salvation in Christ. When you admit that you're the worst sinner you know, you appreciate God's grace and grant grace to your spouse. 

 

THE WORST THING ABOUT SIN

All sin is, firstly, against God. Our very nature is offensive to God (Romans 3:23, Romans 5:12). Sin is not wrong because of what it does to others, but because it's rebellion against God. Fixing sin isn't just about restoring peace between husband and wife, but about walking in the way God created us to be and saved us for.

WORST OF SINNERS-BEST OF WORLDS!

When we recognize that we are the worst sinners, then we'll be a better spouse. Don't fear being too hard on yourself. Remember that you are in Christ. We are the beloved of God. Christ is at work in us conforming us to His image. A sober assessment of our sin will not hinder God's work it us. Rather, it celebrates the work of God. John Owen wrote, "There are two things that are suited to humble the soul of men, a due consideration of God, and then of ourselves. Of God, in his greatness, glory, holiness, power, majesty, and authority; of ourselves, in our mean, abject, and sinful condition."