BOOK SUMMARY - THE PEACEMAKER - PART 2 - GET THE LOG OUT OF YOUR EYE - CHAPTER 5 - CONFLICT STARTS IN THE HEART

James 4:1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 

Our hearts are the source of our conflicts (Matthew 15:19).  We have unmet desires and so we war with others to try and get what we want.

THE PROGRESSION OF AN IDOL – I desire, I demand, I judge, I punish. 

(1).    I Desire - Some desires are good while others are sinful. We must not easily or quickly discard important relationships simply because they do not meet our desires. If others stand in the way of our good desires we can trust God, grow in sanctification, and love the other person (Psalm 73:25, James 1:2-4, 1 John 4:19-21).  If we don’t choose this route we might go the other direction and fight to achieve our desires and allow disappointment to control our lives. We hurts others on this path.

(2).    I Demand – Unmet desires can fester and take deep roots in our hearts. We often justify our demands by claiming our desires are needs or necessary for our happiness. When we see something as being essential to our well-being or fulfillment, those desires become demands. Even in good desires a problem arises when it turns from “I wish I could have this” to “I must have this.”  An idol is anything apart from God that we depend on to be happy.  An idol is something we love and pursue mor than God (Philippians 3:19, Ephesians 5:5). We all struggle with idolatry (2 Kings 17:41). We must guard against good desires become idols that control us.  We must do some self-examination. What do I consistently dwell on? What do I think will fulfill me? What do I want more than anything? Where do I put my trust? What do I fear?

(3).    I Judge – We criticize and condemn others when they don’t meet our demands. We nit-pick, nag, attack because we are playing God. This is wicked because there is only one Law-Giver and Judge (James 3:14-17).  We are imitating Satan when we act like this. This is much different than loving correction when someone is being sinful (Matthew 7:1-5, Galatians 6:1).  Sinful judging often focuses on other’s motives. The closer we are to others the more we are prone to judge and condemn.

(4).    I Punish – Idols always demand sacrifices. Idols demand suffering. Deliberately and unconsciously we find ways to punish and hurt others. When that person finally gives in to our desires then we relent from punishing. Pouting, hurtful words, mean looks, sleeping on the couch, physical violence, abstaining from intimacy, backstabbing, threats of divorce and the silent treatment are among the many hurtful things we’ll do to get what we want.

THE CURE FOR AN IDOLATROUS HEART

Jesus commands us to love God, fear God and trust God (Matthew 22:37, Luke 12:4-5, John 14:1). These are words of worship reserved for God, not idols. To love, fear and trust an idol merits God’s wrath and judgment.

(1).    Deliverance From Judgment – Only God can deliver us from His wrath and judgment. This is the gospel of Christ. We must turn from our sin and trust in Christ to save us through His saving works. This removes God’s judgment from us and brings peace between us and God. We can’t be at peace with others until we are at peace with God.

(2).    Deliverance From Specific Idols – God doesn’t remove all sinful desires, thoughts and habits at the moment of salvation. Over time, bit by bit, He sanctifies us. This is another aspect of salvation where God saves us from the experience of sin and makes us more like Jesus. He uses His living Word to do this (Hebrews 4:12). His Spirit uses the Word to sanctify us (1 Corinthians 2:10-15, John 17:17, Galatians 5:22-26).  God also intends to use the church to sanctify us and help us mortify sin in our lives (Galatians 6:1, Romans 15:14). When you find yourself in conflict work backwards through the progression of idolatry.  How am I punishing others? How am I judging others? What am I demanding to have? What is the root desire of that demand?  Ask self-examining questions. Keep a journal of what you learn about yourself and idols. Pray and ask God for help in overcoming wickedness and idolatry. Seek help from your spouse or a church member. Seek further counsel if you cannot break free from an idol.

(3).    Replace Idol Worship With Worship Of The True God

“Sin is what you do when you are not fully satisfied in God.” – John Piper

Pursue God aggressively in order to kill idols. 

(a). Repent before God (Psalm 51:17). 

(b). Fear God.  Stand in awe of Him when you are afraid of not getting what you want (Proverbs 1:7, Matthew 10:28, Psalm 130:3-4). This helps to give you a proper perspective of what really matters.  

(c). Love God.  Desire the one who forgives us and provides everything for us (Psalm 34:10, Matthew 6:33, Matthew 22:37).  

(d). Trust God.  Rely of God to take care of your needs and good desires (Psalm 118:8, Psalm 37:5-6, 2 Peter 1:3-4). 

(e). Delight in God.  See Psalm 37:4, Philippians 4:4, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). As you remove idols from your life, God will replace them with Himself and you’ll find satisfaction and joy in Him. You’ll feel less of a desire to find fulfillment in the world and you’ll have less conflict in your life that results from selfish demands.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

(1). Which parts of the chapter resonated with you or stood out to you?

(2). In your own words try to describe the progression of an idol.

(3). Are you able to see how this has played out in your life?

(4). Is there someone you are currently punishing because of your unmet desires?

(5). If you are currently punishing someone, what do you think the correct course of action would be at this point?

(6). Why does deep reflection on the gospel help to remove idols from our lives?

(7). What process can we walk through to help identify idols in our lives (see Deliverance From Specific Idols)?

(8). Once we identify idols, what must we do? 

(9). Have you repented of idolatry? Do you have a proper fear of God? Are you loving God? Are you trusting God? Are you delighting in God?

(10). Identity an area or two that needs changing in your life.  Pray to God for help to change. Commit to working on these couple of things this week knowing that it takes time to grow in the Lord.