Proverbs 28:13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
The driving force behind our reconciliation should be that God has reconciled us to Himself through Christ. Two things happen when we meditate on the gospel. (1). Our pride and defensiveness are stripped away. (2). We are inspired to seek reconciliation with others
REPENTANCE IS MORE THAN A FEELING
Repentance is a gift from God (2 Timothy 2:24-26). It means to change the way we think or to come to our senses (Luke 15:17). It means we realize we've done and think wrong and are going to do what God says to do and think like God says to think (Isaiah 55:7). Worldly sorrow and godly sorrow are different (2 Corinthians 7:9-10). One is sad due to consequences while the other is sad due to offending God. God sorrow isn't always accompanied with intense feelings which means at times that others may not appear to be repentant to you. Repentance is proved by turning to God and changing sinful attitudes, thoughts and deeds (Acts 26:20).
EXAMINE YOURSELF
A willingness to examine one's life to make necessary corrections is evidence of repentance. Sin is hatred of God and His desires/commands (Psalm 51:3-4, James 2:10-11, James 4:17). We often rationalize our sin, blame shift when caught in sin or minimize it by calling it a mistake. We must ask God to help us see our sin clearly as we study God's Word to know His ways (Psalm 139:23-24, Hebrews 4:12). We must be open to the correction of our spiritually mature friends (Proverbs 12:15, 19:20). We must examine ourselves in a variety of ways to see if we are at fault in our conflicts. The follow six can help us get started.
(1). Using Your Tongue As a Weapon - See James 3:5-6. Proverbs 12:18 says that reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Philippians 2:14 tells us to do all things without complaining. Proverbs 24:28 reminds us that we are not to deceive with our lips. Gossiping separates close friends (Proverbs 16:28). Slander involves speaking false or malicious words about another person (Titus 2:3, 2 Timothy 3:3-5) A slanderer is a diabolos or an accuser which is a title given to Satan. Worthless talk is forbidden in Scripture as well (Ephesians 4:29, Matthew 12:36).(2). Controlling Others - This often involves manipulations, persuasion and force. We are to live according to 2 Timothy 2:24-26.(3). Breaking Your Word - Matthew 5:33-37 reminds us to keep our word. If we are unable to keep our word then we must appeal to the other person for mercy (Matthew 18:22-33). If we cannot be biblical released from keeping our word then we must ask God to help us keep our word.(4). Failing To Respect Authority - God has set authority in the government, the workplace, the family and the church. The purpose of God-ordained authority is to maintain peace and order (Romans 13:1-7). Those in authority must not abuse their role (Ephesians 5:25-33, 1 Peter 3:7, 1 Peter 5:1-3). Those under authority must respect their role (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13, 1 Timothy 6:1-2, Titus 2:9-10, Hebrews 13:17). Apart from requests to sin, we must obey our leaders even when they aren't ideal leaders (Acts 4:18-19, Matthew 23:1-3).(5). Forgetting The Golden Rule - This rule sums up the law and prophets! The entire OT can be summed up as "In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you."(6). Serving Sinful Desires - This sinful desires can lead to conflict and we must examine them to see if they are in us.
(a). Improper desires for physical pleasure (1 John 2:15-17).
(b). Pride and desire to always be right (Proverbs 8:13).(c). Love of money or material possessions (Matthew 6:24).(d). Fear of man (Proverbs 29:25).
(e). Good things that we want too much.
THE SEVEN A'S OF CONFESSIONS
(1). Address Everyone Involved - God and others. Heart sins are confessed to God while social sins are confessed to others. Zacchaeus's example is good to follow (Luke 19:8)(2). Avoid The Words IF, BUT and MAYBE - "I'm sorry IF I've done something wrong." "I'm sorry, BUT, if you hadn't done that to me first then I wouldn't have done that to you." "Maybe I could try harder." These words neutralize our confession and apology.(3). Admit Specifically - The more detailed and specific you are when making a confession, the more likely you are to receive a positive response. It is often wise to admit what you did to violate God's will (Luke 15:21).(4). Acknowledge The Hurt - "You must've been terribly/hurt/offended when I did/said what I did." Sympathy and empathy show you understand how your actions have real consequences.(5). Accept The Consequences - The prodigal son offers a good example of what this looks like (Luke 15:19). See Luke 19:8 for Zacchaeus's exampled.(6). Alter Your Behavior - A written plans shows that you have thought out your goals to act differently in ways that will not create future conflict.(7). Ask For Forgiveness and Allow Time - "Will you please forgive me?" Sometimes people are quick to forgive. Sometimes they need a little time to work through this. Further steps detailed later in the book for when forgiveness is not granted.
Not every confession or attempt to reconcile will require all seven steps. Minor offenses are often resolved more quickly than deeper offenses. Don't turn this process into a list of things to check-off or make it into some meaningless ritual. Remember that we are trying to be reconciled to others, not check off the "to do" list.
YOU CAN CHANGE
(1). God Is Eager To Help Us Grow And Change - Romans 8:28-29, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, Ephesians 4:22-32).(2). Pray - Colossians 1:9-12. Pray that you'd be filled with the knowledge of His will so that you can live in a manner worthy of the Lord.(3). Delight Yourself In The Lord - Psalm 37:4.(4). Study - Romans 12:1-2, Ephesians 4:22-24(5). Practice - Begin to do what God's Word says (Philippians 4:9).
QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER
(1). How does reflection on the gospel help us to seek reconciliation with others?
(2). How would you explain repentance in your own words?
(3). We were asked to consider 6 ways in which we might create conflict. Which one of the six do you need to work on the most?
(4). Which of the seven A's of confession do you need to work on the most?
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