BOOK SUMMARY: FROM EDEN TO THE NEW JERUSALEM - CHAPTER 1 - INTRODUCTION

Scripture presents a meta-story that claims to communicate absolute truth that cannot be discovered any other way.  The story doesn't claim to present all truth, only particular truth to particular questions that lie outside the realm of scientific investigation. This meta-story is an anthology of literature linked by common themes, centered on a unique deity. It explains (1). Why was the earth created? (2). What is the reason for human existence?

This anthology abounds in intertexual references and provides us, in itself, the literary context in which its contents may be understood.  In other words, Scripture explains and interprets Scripture. Each book contributes something special to the meta-story and the meta-story provides a framework which aides in interpreting each book. 

Revelation anticipates the creation of a new earth and new heaven. This brings to fulfillment a process that started with this present creation as detailed in Genesis. The strong links between Genesis 1-3 and Revelation 20-22 suggest that these passages frame the entire biblical meta-story.

Not everything in Revelation can be taken literally. But it does not logically follow that everything in this vision must be viewed as merely symbolic. The new earth and new heavens are very likely to have much in common wit this present cosmos. 

The scholarly tendency to atomize biblical texts is often detrimental to understanding the big picture of Scripture. Stripping passages out of the context of the larger meta-story leads to imposed meanings that were never intended by the authors of Scripture.  There are major themes that run through Scripture and part of the thought world of the biblical authors. Knowing and appreciating these themes may significantly alter our reading of individual books. 

Good theology always has pastoral implication. Right teaching and right practice go hand in hand. Truth revealed shapes the lifestyle choices we make.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1.  What do you understand Scriptures primary message to be? What are other ways in which people view the overall the Bible?

2.  Why did God create earth? Why did He create humanity?

3.  What common themes do you find running through Scripture from Genesis to Revelation?

4.  Why do you need to understand intertextuality means and why it is important to interpreting Scripture?

5.  What is the relevance in understanding the beginning of creation along with the end of creation?

6.  What continuity exists between Christ’s pre-resurrection body and post-resurrection body? Is it likely that the new creation has some commonality with the present cosmos?

7.  Why must all smaller portions of Scripture be placed within the meta-story of Scripture?  Does our church’s preaching focus on the text only or the text in conjunction with the meta-story?

BOOK SUMMARY: THE CHRIST KEY - CHAPTER 1 - THE LAYERED BIBLE

INTRODUCTION

Hermeneutics - the science and art of interpreting the Bible

There are different hermeneutics that leave you with different conclusions and applications. Here are a few:

1.    Literal interpretation - plain meaning, historical-grammatical approach

2.    Allegorical interpretation - tangible things represent intangible ideas

3.    Moral interpretation - be like the good guys, not the bad guys

4.    Christological interpretation - all of Scripture is interpreted in light of the full revelation of Christ

5.    Redemptive-historical interpretation - all of Scripture bears witness to the redemption Christ brings us

A moralizing, imitative approach to the stories of Israel is a recipe for interpretive disaster.

Intertexuality - the layering of the Scriptures. Every new layer of Scripture interacts with and interprets former layers. This means the texts interprets texts.  Scripture is a multilayered web of interconnections that gradually constructs the Big Story of Scripture.

Everything from Genesis to Malachi, in one way or another, is about Jesus the Messiah (See Luke 24:27, 44; John 5:39, 46-47; John 1:45; Acts 3:18; Acts 3:24; Acts 10:43; 2 Corinthians 1:20).

THE TANAK: EXACTLY HOW LONG IS THE BIBLE?  

For the earliest followers of Christ, their Bible was only the Old Testament. When those first Christians discussed Christ, the discussed Him from the Old Testament. It would be roughly fifteen years after Jesus' ascension before the first New Testament book was written. The first Christians read from the TANAK or TANAKH.

T = Torah; the Pentateuch, the first five books of the OT -  Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy

N = Nevi'im; the prophets - Joshua, Judges, Samuel, Kings, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, 12 minor prophets

K = Ketuvim; the Writing - Psalms, Proverbs, Job, Song of Songs, Ruth, Lamentations, Ecclesiastes, Esther, Daniel, Ezra, Nehemiah, Chronicles

To talk about Jesus in the early years of Christianity meant you used the Bible that Jesus used. You would have used the Tanak. In the New Testament, when Scripture is mentioned, it's almost always speaking of the Old Testament (with the exception of verses like 2 Peter 3:16).  The Tanak contains the contents of the Christian faith. The NT does not contain any new doctrines that were not founded in the OT.

TO THE TORAH!

The NT explains and interprets the OT for us. But even Joshua through Malachi help us to understand Genesis through Deuteronomy. The Torah is almost like a mini-Bible. Every author of the Tanak sat at the feet of Rabbi Moses. 

Martin Luther - "Moses is the source from which the holy prophets and also the apostles, inspired by the Holy Spirit, extracted divine wisdom."  "Show us one word in all the books outside of Moses that is not already found in the books of Moses."

The history of Israel, from Joshua to Kings, can only be rightly understood in light of Deuteronomy. The Psalms praise God for creation and recount the Exodus. The wisdom literature expands the divine wisdom of the laws of the Torah. 

We must ask, "Why does Moses get quoted more in the NT than Jesus?" Because Jesus affirmed that all things had been written about Him in Moses and the prophets.

The Torah gives Christological language to us so that we may know Jesus as the Commander of the Army of the Lord (Joshua 5:14), the promised seed of David (2 Samuel 7:11-16), the Lord's begotten Son and King (Psalm 2:7), the Wisdom alongside God at creation (Proverbs 8:22-31) and the leader of our exodus (Isaiah 11:16). 

The Apostle John starts of his book with "In the beginning..." as if to say, "To understand Jesus, I need to quote Genesis 1:1."  Matthew narrates Jesus' life by using the pattern found in Moses' life (hostile leader trying to kill baby boys, coming out of Egypt, going into the wilderness, assembling of twelve, dispensing of the law on a mountain).

MONTY PYTHON AND METALEPSIS

There is a profound difference between knowing the meaning of a word and knowing what that word means when it is drawn from a movie, spoken in a specific scene and by a certain character.  The weight of those words can only be realized when one understands their origin, setting, context and connotation.

If Joshua quotes Deuteronomy, or if David alludes to Exodus or if Ezekiel echoes a phrase from Genesis, you won't understand the full meaning of what the author is communicating unless you know they are doing this. At best, we will sub-interpret the text or misinterpret it all together. 

Metalepsis - the borrowing of other biblical material by quoting, echoing, or alluding to it. 

Joshua 5:15 doesn't just quote Exodus 3:5 but is telling us more. The Commander of the Army of the Lord is not some angelic or super-human being. HE is God leading Israel to her land of rest. The NT shows us Christ leading us to our Sabbath Rest in the New Creation. 

Matthew 10:34-39 alludes to Micah 7:6 but we are not told this. You just have to know the "movie quote."  You have to understand Micah before you can understand Matthew. Micah is saying that a person's own enemies are those in his household. In the larger context Micah is also lamenting that there are no righteous people around him. Micah could only follow and trust God. Now when you listen to Jesus'' words in Matthew 10:34-39 you can see that Jesus is telling us that we should only put our faith in Him. This is metalepsis. 

If we try to read the NT apart from the OT we will not get the right understanding of the NT. 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1.    Why is a moralistic approach to interpreting the Scripture so popular?  Why is it also so dangerous?

2.    What do Jesus and His disciples say about the OT and the centrality of Christ? 

3.    What is the Tanak? Why is it important to understand that the first Christians only had the OT as their Bible? Does this change your view of the OT?

4.    How should the church's preaching, teaching and worship reflect this understanding of the OT?

5.    Why is it important to understand the concept of intertexuality? 

6.    Read Luke 9:28-36.  In what ways is this passage connected to the OT?  What "movie quotes" do you hear? 

BOOK SUMMARY: THE PEACEMAKER - PART 4 - GO AND BE RECONCILED - CHAPTER 12 - OVERCOME EVIL WITH GOOD

Romans 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Some people will be ready to make peace. Others will resist reconciliation. We are to love our enemies do good to those who hate us and pray for them. God will reward us (See Luke 6:27-28, 35-26). Instead of trying to live contrary to Christ’s commands and justify wicked thoughts or actions towards adversaries, we should be obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 20:3-5). Read 2 Corinthians 5:16-20). Our identity and status in Christ calls us to be reconcilers. Our weapons are spiritual (Ephesians 6:10-18, Galatians 5:22-23). Romans 12:14-21 calls us to live on a higher plane. We are not to be passive towards evil. We should go on the offensive in order to win our adversaries over to truth and into right relationship with God.

CONTROL YOUR TONGUE
Make every effort to be gracious with your words. Be truthful and helpful with your words. (1 Peter 3:9).

SEEK GODLY ADVISORS

These friends should be willing to correct and admonish you when they see that you are in the wrong (Proverbs 27:5-6). Good advisors are not “yes-men.” Godly advisors help you stay the course when following Biblical principles don’t see to work right away and you are tempted to used sinful or worldly tactics.

KEEP DOING WHAT IS RIGHT

See Romans 12:17. When dealing with conflict, we should plan carefully so that any reasonable person who is watching will eventually acknowledge that you did what was right (1 Peter 2:12, 15, 3:15-16).

RECOGNIZE YOUR LIMITS

Even when we are doing right, some will accuse of us wrong. We cannot force people to think or do right. Nevertheless, we can be comforted that we acted right before God and that we’re doing what we can to live at peace with others (Romans 12:18). It is not wise or necessary to waste time, energy and resources fretting about someone who stubbornly refuses to reconcile. The world looks for results; God looks for faithfulness (Ecclesiastes 12:13b). Read Proverbs 20:22. God ultimately will deal with unrepentant people through the church (Matthew 18:17-20), civil courts (Romans 13:1-3), or even through handing them over to Satan (1 Corinthians 5:5; 1 Timothy 1:20).

USE THE ULTIMATE WEAPON

Use deliberate, focused love. See Romans 12:20-21. Don’t just do good in general. See to meet the real needs of your adversary.

SUMMARY AND APPLICATION

Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. If anyone is caught in sin, gently restore them. Speak the truth in love. Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

1. Which worldly weapons have you been using or are you tempted to use in conflict?

2. To whom can you turn for godly advice and encouragement?

3. Have you done everything in your power to live at peace with others? Is it ever appropriate to ever turn to the church or civil authorities to seek assistance in resolving disputes?

4. What need does your adversary have that God may want to meet through your deliberate and focused love?

BOOK SUMMARY: THE PEACEMAKER - PART 4 - GO AND BE RECONCILED - CHAPTER 11 - LOOK ALSO TO THE INTERESTS OF OTHERS

Philippians 2:4  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

COOPERATIVE VERSUS COMPETITIVE NEGOTIATION

(1). A competitive approach often fails to produce the best possible solution to a problem. When people work against each other, they tend to focus on surface issues and neglect underlying desires and needs. (2). Competitive negotiation can be inefficient. Progress is made in successive compromises and concessions. (3). Competitive negotiation can significantly damage personal relationships. This approach can be very self-centered and offensive.

Cooperative negotiation deliberately seeks solutions that are beneficial to everyone. This style of negotiation tends to preserve or even improve relationships.  We are to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). See also 1 Corinthians 13:5; Matthew 7:12; 1 Corinthians 10:24). A wise person does not give in to others unless there is a valid reason to do so.  A wise person works towards solutions that honor God and provide lasting benefits to as many people as possible. Cooperative negotiation may be described as a combination of love and wisdom.

Prepare – See Proverbs 14:8 & 22.  Pray. Get the facts. Identify issues and interests. Study the bible. Develop options. Anticipate reactions. Plan an alternative to a negotiated agreement. Select an appropriate time and place to talk. Plan your opening remarks. Seek counsel.  

Affirm Relationships – Too often we ignore the feelings and concerns of others and focus all our attention on the problems that separate us. Affirm your respect and concerns for the other person. Communicate in a courteous manner. Spend time on personal issues. Submit to authority. Earnestly seek to understand. Look out for the interests of others. Address sin in a gracious manner. Allow face-saving. Give praise and thanks.

Understand Interests – An issue is an identifiable and concrete question that must be addressed in order to reach an agreement. A position is a desire outcome or a definable perspective on an issue. An interest is what motivates people.  When people focus in interests rather than positions, it is usually easier to develop acceptable solutions. Draw attention to similar interests. Once interests are understood you can prioritize the issues that need to be resolved. Place the easiest issues at the beginning of your list. Solving easier issues shows progress and cooperation as harder issues are approached.

Search For Creative Solutions – As you begin to identify possible solutions that seem wise to you, explain how these solutions benefit your opponent.

Evaluate Options Objectively and Reasonably – Use biblical principles. Introduce relevant facts, official rules or regulations or professional reports. Also, listen carefully to your opponents concerns and suggestions, showing respect for his or her values and interests. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Invite specific criticism, alternatives and advice.

An agreement might need to be put in writing.  Write down: (1). what issues were resolved, (2). What actions will be taken, (3). Who is responsible for each action (4). Dates by which each action should be completed (5). When and how the results of the agreement will be reviewed.

SUMMARY AND APPLICATION
Negotiation does not have to be a painful tug-of-war. Remember Philippians 2:4. Remember to PAUSE.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
(1).    When you have conflict how focused are you on the concerns and interests of the other person?
(2).    Which style of negotiation is your default: competitive or cooperative? Why do you think this is the case?
(3).    Do you ever prepare or are your responses to conflict instinctive and reflexive?
(4).    Explain the difference between an issue, position and interest.
(5).    How does using Scripture create objectivity?
 

BOOK SUMMARY: THE PEACEMAKER - PART 4 - GO AND BE RECONCILED - CHAPTER 10 - FORGIVE AS GOD FORGAVE YOU

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. – Colossians 3:13

We are forgiven and must be forgiving (Matthew 6:12, Ephesians 4:32). 

YOU CANNOT DO IT ALONE
We need God’s help to forgive properly. We need to reflect on the gospel and pray for Divine assistance to forgive.

NEITHER A FEELING, NOR FORGETTING, NOR EXCUSING
(1). Forgiveness is not a feeling but an act of the will and a series of decisions. We must ask for His help and then decide not to think or talk about what someone has done to hurt us.  (2). Forgiveness is an active, not passive, process. When God’s decision to not remember our sins is not that He “can’t” but that He “won’t.”  He chooses not to bring them up again, ever. (3). Forgiveness is not excusing sin. Forgiveness requires an acknowledging that y sin was committed.

FORGIVENESS IS A DECISION
Keeping mental records of wrongs destroys relationships. To forgive means to release others from liability to suffer punishment or penalty. Debts are created by sin and someone must pay it. You can make the other person pay or you can pay. You withhold forgiveness by dwelling on the wrong, being cold, giving up on the relationship, inflicting pain or seeking revenge. Sometimes God helps us to forgive all at once, and sometimes we bear the effects of sin over a longer period of time. Go to the cross to see where our sin was forgiven. See Jeremiah 31:34, Psalm 103:12, 1Corinthians 13:5. Four decisions can describe forgiveness: (1). I will not dwell on the incident. (2). I will not bring up the incident again to use it against you. (3). I will not talk to others about this incident. (4). I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship. 

Repentance and confession should lead to forgiveness and reconciliation, even if there are consequences along the way.  Many people have never shown or been shown this kind of forgiveness.

WHEN SHOULD YOU FORGIVE?
Ideally, repentance should precede forgiveness (Luke 17:3-4). We should always have an attitude of forgiveness and be ready to grant forgiveness. As soon as repentance is shown we should be ready to pursue reconciliation. With God’s help we can show his kind of forgiveness and not dwell on the hurtful incident or seek revenge in thought, word or deed.

CAN YOU EVER MENTION THE SIN AGAIN?
You should not bring up a forgiven past sin. Nevertheless, if the sin is recurring, you should deal with new incidents of sin. Fresh situations bring up opportunities for growth in the grace of God.

WHAT ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES?
Forgiveness does not necessarily release people from consequences. The Israelites (Numbers14:20-23), Moses (Deuteronomy 32:48-52) and David (2 Samuel 12:11-14) all had consequences to deal with. But forgiveness removes walls and barriers between you and another just as God has done for us.

OVERCOMING UNFORGIVENESS
God gives help through the Scripture, strength through the Spirit and counsel/encouragement from the church. (1). Confirming repentance can help you to forgive. (2). Renouncing sinful attitudes and expectations will help you to forgive (Luke 17:3-4).  (3).  Assessing your contributions to the problem can help with forgiveness. (4).  Recognizing that God is working for good can help with forgiveness. (5). Remembering God’s forgiveness will help you to forgive (Matthew 18:21-35, Psalm 103:8-11).  (6). Drawing on God’s strength will help you to forgive.

RECONCILIATION AND THE REPLACEMENT PRINCIPLE
Forgiveness is both an event and a process. We must change our thoughts and attitudes in order to bring change in the relationship (Matthew 5:24; 1 Corinthians 7:11; 2 Corinthians 5:18-20). Reconciliation doesn’t mean that the offender is now you closest friend, but it does mean that your relationship is as good as it was before the offense occurred. Reconciliation requires that you give a repentant person an opportunity to demonstrate repentance and regain your trust. Reconciliation is not accidental. If it is not pursued then the relationship will deteriorate. (1).  In Thought – memories of the offense will pop up in our minds. We must replace these memories with godly thoughts and actions. See Luke 6:27-28 and Philippians 4:8). (2). In Word (3). In Deed – When you behave as if you love someone, you will presently come to love that person.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
(1).    Why do you struggle with forgiveness?
(2).    Do you ever feel as though others must earn your forgiveness?
(3).    Do you ever try to punish those who’ve sinned against you?
(4).    Do you require a guarantee that someone will never sin against you again before you’ll grant forgiveness?
(5).    How might God be working for good in situations where others sin against you?
(6).    How serious are your opponents sins against you when compared with your sins against God?
(7).    Which Scriptures can you meditate on in order to let God shape your thinking and attitude?
(8).    What thought and deeds need to stop and with what do you need to replace them?

BOOK SUMMARY: THE PEACEMAKER - PART 3 - GENTLY RESTORE - CHAPTER 9 - TAKE ONE OR TWO OTHERS ALONG

But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that “every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.”  -- Matthew 18:16

In the event that we cannot resolve our personal conflicts, we may seek help. Godly, unbiased individuals can be of great help (See Matthew 18:15-20). 

THE MATTHEW 18 PROCESS

We should try to keep the circle of people involved in a conflict as small as possible for as long as possible.  The goal is to bring about repentance and reconciliation not maximum exposure. 

(1).  Step One: Overlook Minor Offenses (see chapters 1-3). 

(2).  Step Two: Talk In Private (see chapters 5 & 6).  If you cannot overlook the offense because it is too serious, then you should talk to the other person to show them their fault. Negotiation might also be appropriate depending upon the issue (see Chapter 11).  If this step fails, proceed to the next step.

(3).  Step Three: Take One Or Two Others Along  - The basis for this comes from Deuteronomy 19:15-20. Sometimes these witnesses act as intermediaries, promoting understanding and reconciliation. Sometimes they act as mediators, offering biblical counsel. Sometimes they may serve as arbitrators and provided a binding decision about how to resolve the matter (see 1 Corinthians 6:1-8).  These reconcilers may be mutual friends, church leaders or trained Christian mediators/arbitrators. If it's a technical issue those with legal knowledge or professional help might be warranted. Reconcilers should be unbiased. You may seek the help of reconcilers even if the other person doesn't want it but it's always wise to inform the person that you are seeking such help.  In seeking help from reconcilers, do not give them unnecessary details about the conflict.  Simply explain that you have a conflict that requires their help for reconciliation. You don't want the reconcilers to form opinions ahead of time, nor do you want the other person to think you're giving yourself a biased advantage. With both parties and reconcilers present, you may each share your side of the conflict.  Reconcilers should help apply the listening and communication skills we discussed previously; listening, asking questions to determine facts, etc. Reconcilers may give advice (see Matthew 18:17). They should encourage confession and repentance when necessary. They might propose solutions. You and the person involved in a conflict might determine ahead of time to abide by the reconciler's counsel should you not come to an agreement on your own. Finally, the reconcilers may serve at witnesses to report to the church the problem should the conflict not be resolved. 

(4).  Step Four - Tell It To The Church (Church Accountability) - If steps 1 & 2 fail, Jesus commands us to tell it to the church.  Church leadership should be informed so that they can talk with the reconcilers. Matthew 18:18-20 tells us that the church speaks with the authority of Christ when it is acting in accordance with the Biblical mandate in dealing with sin. Christians may properly disobey their church in these matters only when its instructions are contrary to God's Word. During this step, the church members should remind the sinning believers that they cannot properly worship God until the matter is taken care of (2 Thessalonians 3:14-15).

(5).  Step Five - Treat Him As A Nonbeliever - God calls us to act justly, to seek peace and to be reconciled to others. A person who does not do this after steps 1-4 and continues to act against God's will must be treated as a pagan. The word AS is important. We can't know if a person is truly saved or not; only God can. But if they are acting like an unbeliever and unwilling to repent, we must treat them as if they are unsaved.  It is a functional decision. Treating them as an unbeliever is the last resort to show them how serious their sin is. This is accomplished by removing them from membership and its privileges and referring to them as sir or ma'am instead of brother or sister. But we must also share the gospel with them. The whole point of this process is restoration, not condemnation. If they proceed to disrupt the peace of the church, it might be appropriate to remove them from the church property. We should pray for them and when we see them, instead of engaging in superficial banter, we should encourage them to repent. Repentance and restoration took place through church discipline in the Corinthian church (see 1 Corinthians 5:1-3 & 2 Corinthians 2:5-11).  Revoking membership prevents the Lord's name from being slandered. It protects believers from being led astray. It can help the unrepentant person come back to the Lord and His people. Some churches disobey our Lord and do not practice the Lord's instructions from Matthew 18.  This is a church that does not take sin seriously. Neither does it love correctly. 

IS IT TIME TO GO TO COURT?

If a conflict cannot be resolved through church discipline, then your options are limited. You can give up any claim you have against the other person. You can pursue an alternate form of dispute resolution. A third option would be to file a lawsuit, but Scripture generally prohibits this solution. 

THE WORLD NEEDS RECONCILERS

Thinking back over the past few months you likely experienced or saw someone else engaged in conflict. Even armed with the knowledge of a few of this book's principles, you could have been of some help. Continue to grow as a peacemaker. 

DEVELOPING A CULTURE OF PEACE IN YOUR CHURCH

(1).  Vision - this church sees peacemaking as essential to the Christian life.

(2).  Training - this church deliberately trains leaders and members in how to handle conflict

(3).  Assistance - this church provides reconcilers to help in all sorts of conflict including financial and legal issues

(4).  Perseverance - this church works hard and consistently to restore broken friendships and marriages

(5).  Accountability - this church holds its wayward members to the principles laid down by our Lord

(6).  Restoration - this church gladly forgives and restores members who repentant so that they are no longer under church discipline

(7).  Stability - this church has both leaders and members that are long-term and are pursuing unity in the body

(8).  Witness - this church seeks to live in a way that gives credibility to the gospel

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

(1).       Have you ever had to seek help in order to bring about peace with another?  How did it work out? 

(2).       If you’ve been at our church for a while, then you know we practice church discipline for the purposes of restoration.  What thoughts or questions have you encountered when we are in the process of church discipline?  When it comes to treating an unrepentant person as an unbeliever, why must practical steps be taken?  Who is to be involved in this part of the restoration process? Can we effectively do this is we are minimally known and minimally know others?

(3).       For what good purposes is a member excommunicated? What good purposes does an excommunication of an unrepentant person serve for the rest of the church? 

(4).       Which of the 8 traits of “developing a culture of peace in your church” do you think our church has?  Which ones can we improve on?  Which of the 8 traits can we help our church improve as we study this book and its biblical principles?

BOOK SUMMARY: THE PEACEMAKER - PART 3 - GENTLY RESTORE - CHAPTER 8 - SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE

Ephesians 4:15 Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the head, that is, Christ.

Words play a key role in almost every conflict. Words should promote understanding and agreement but sometimes they drive people apart.

BRING HOPE THROUGH THE GOSPEL

Our natural tendency is to come at people with law and not gospel. Consider Jesus and the Samaritan woman (John 4:7-26). Consider Paul in 1 Corinthians 1:2-9, Philippians 1:3-11,Colossians 1:3-23. Gospel precedes law for Christian living. Pray that God will open our eyes more fully to the wonders of the gospel.

BE QUICK TO LISTEN

See James 1:19. It creates an atmosphere of mutual respect. Being quick to listen requires:

(1). Waiting – Don’t jump to conclusion or interrupt. Be comfortable with silence. Don’t be quick to offer solutions.

(2). Attending – Don’t let your mind wander or rehearse your responses. Use eye contact and negative body language. Nod your head to show understanding.

(3). Clarifying – “Are you saying…” “I’m confuse about…” “Let me see if I understand…”

(4).  Reflecting – Summarize the other person’s point; their content and feelings. Reflecting is not agreeing but seeking to comprehend and show the other person that you do. It can help the other person listen to your side as well.

(5).  Agreeing – You should acknowledge what is true before expressing points of disagreement. Agreeing is especially important when you have done wrong.  Resist temptations to defend yourself. Ask, “Is there any truth behind what they are saying?”  If yes, then agree. See Psalm 141:5 & Proverbs 15:31.  Agreeing specific points doesn’t mean agreeing with everything.

THE TONGUE OF THE WISE BRINGS HEALING – Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

(1). Breathe Grace – We can’t dispense grace if we are reading God’s Word of grace and reflecting on the gospel, praying, taking the Lord’s Supper and being around other believers.

(2).  Make Charitable Judgments – Adjust your attitude to show love. Belief the best until you have facts to prove otherwise. Don’t default to the guilty position. James 4:11-12.

(3). Speak The Truth In Love – Both are needed; truth and love. See 1 Thessalonians 5:14-15.

(4). Talk From Beside, not Above – Do not address others as if they are inferior. You are both sinners at the foot of the cross.

(5). Help Others Examine The Desires Of Their Hearts – Address idols of the heart as discussed in chapter 5. Reconciliation might not take place until these are addressed. Sinful behaviors are easier to address than what’s really going on in our hearts. Share how God is helping you to fight your own idols of the heart. Share the self-examining questions of chapter 5.

(6). Choose The Right Time And Place – Don’t discuss important matters when people are tired or there is not sufficient time to address the matter. Be mindful of the place; privacy, distractions, etc.

(7). Talk In Person Whenever Possible – Chapter 7. It’s important to see facial expressions and body language.

(8). Engage Rather Than Declare – Being candid might work with a close friend, but not others. Others might need analogies or metaphors to illustrate the way they’re behaving (2 Samuel 12:1-13). Your approach is meant to capture their attention.

(9). Communicate So Clearly That You Cannot Be Misunderstood – Choose word careful so as not to aggravate or be misunderstood. Consider words that might be vague or that could be misinterpreted. This will lessen conflict.

(10). Plan Your Words – Take time to plan your words ahead of time. Write out some of what you want to say. Asking for a face-to-face meeting is different that telling someone there will be a meeting. Preparation will generally help you to respond when things don’t go as planned.

(11).  Use “I” Statements – “I feel hurt when you make fun of me…” “I feel frustrated when…” They express how their actions have affected you. It expressed concern about their behavior that needs discussing.

(12). Be Objective – While expressing how you feel is important, you must not overemphasize subjective opinions. Uses objective facts when possible. Don’t exaggerate by saying, “You always…You never.” Instead uses phrases like, “You were late five times in the past two weeks.” Etc.

(13). Use The Bible Carefully – Don’t quote Scripture to tear people down (Ephesians 4:29). Don’t use Scripture out of context. Encourage them to read a particular Scripture and ask, “What does this mean?” Know when to stop.

(14). Ask For Feedback – Match impact with intent. Has your message gotten across completely and accurately. Are they responding to your message? You might need to ask, “What have I said that you agree with? Disagree with?” Promote dialogue.

(15). Offer Solutions And Preferences – Don’t just shine the light on the problems. Show others a way out of their sin. Promote repentance. Do not give the impression that you have all the answers.

(16). Recognize Your Limits – You cannot force people to change (2 Timothy 2:24-26). All you can do is prayerfully speak the truth in love with clear communication. God will take it from there.

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER

(1).  When others wrong you, do you tend to bring out law or gospel?

(2).  Which listening skill do you have a hard time with? How will you work on this area?

(3).  Do you tend to believe the best about others or do you just to guilty conclusions right away?

(4).  How are you when it comes to picking the best time and place to have important discussions?

(5).  How can you improve so that your message is not misunderstood?

(6).  Do you tend to be more subjective or objective when it comes to reconciliation?

(7).  Have you ever tried asking for feedback?

(8).  How can you use Scripture to help your conversations?