Ephesians 4:15 Speaking the truth in love, we will in all
things grow up into him who is the head, that is, Christ.
Words play a key role in almost every conflict. Words
should promote understanding and agreement but sometimes they drive people
apart.
BRING HOPE THROUGH THE GOSPEL
Our natural tendency is to come at
people with law and not gospel. Consider Jesus and the Samaritan
woman (John 4:7-26). Consider Paul in 1 Corinthians 1:2-9, Philippians 1:3-11,Colossians 1:3-23. Gospel precedes law for Christian living. Pray that God
will open our eyes more fully to the wonders of the gospel.
BE QUICK TO LISTEN
See James 1:19. It creates an atmosphere of mutual respect.
Being quick to listen requires:
(1). Waiting – Don’t jump to conclusion or interrupt. Be comfortable with silence. Don’t be quick to offer solutions.(2). Attending – Don’t let your mind wander or rehearse your responses. Use eye contact and negative body language. Nod your head to show understanding.(3). Clarifying – “Are you saying…” “I’m confuse about…” “Let me see if I understand…”(4). Reflecting – Summarize the other person’s point; their content and feelings. Reflecting is not agreeing but seeking to comprehend and show the other person that you do. It can help the other person listen to your side as well.(5). Agreeing – You should acknowledge what is true before expressing points of disagreement. Agreeing is especially important when you have done wrong. Resist temptations to defend yourself. Ask, “Is there any truth behind what they are saying?” If yes, then agree. See Psalm 141:5 & Proverbs 15:31. Agreeing specific points doesn’t mean agreeing with everything.
THE TONGUE OF THE WISE BRINGS HEALING – Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce
like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
(1). Breathe Grace – We can’t dispense grace if we are reading God’s Word of grace and reflecting on the gospel, praying, taking the Lord’s Supper and being around other believers.(2). Make Charitable Judgments – Adjust your attitude to show love. Belief the best until you have facts to prove otherwise. Don’t default to the guilty position. James 4:11-12.(3). Speak The Truth In Love – Both are needed; truth and love. See 1 Thessalonians 5:14-15.(4). Talk From Beside, not Above – Do not address others as if they are inferior. You are both sinners at the foot of the cross.(5). Help Others Examine The Desires Of Their Hearts – Address idols of the heart as discussed in chapter 5. Reconciliation might not take place until these are addressed. Sinful behaviors are easier to address than what’s really going on in our hearts. Share how God is helping you to fight your own idols of the heart. Share the self-examining questions of chapter 5.(6). Choose The Right Time And Place – Don’t discuss important matters when people are tired or there is not sufficient time to address the matter. Be mindful of the place; privacy, distractions, etc.(7). Talk In Person Whenever Possible – Chapter 7. It’s important to see facial expressions and body language.(8). Engage Rather Than Declare – Being candid might work with a close friend, but not others. Others might need analogies or metaphors to illustrate the way they’re behaving (2 Samuel 12:1-13). Your approach is meant to capture their attention.(9). Communicate So Clearly That You Cannot Be Misunderstood – Choose word careful so as not to aggravate or be misunderstood. Consider words that might be vague or that could be misinterpreted. This will lessen conflict.(10). Plan Your Words – Take time to plan your words ahead of time. Write out some of what you want to say. Asking for a face-to-face meeting is different that telling someone there will be a meeting. Preparation will generally help you to respond when things don’t go as planned.(11). Use “I” Statements – “I feel hurt when you make fun of me…” “I feel frustrated when…” They express how their actions have affected you. It expressed concern about their behavior that needs discussing.(12). Be Objective – While expressing how you feel is important, you must not overemphasize subjective opinions. Uses objective facts when possible. Don’t exaggerate by saying, “You always…You never.” Instead uses phrases like, “You were late five times in the past two weeks.” Etc.(13). Use The Bible Carefully – Don’t quote Scripture to tear people down (Ephesians 4:29). Don’t use Scripture out of context. Encourage them to read a particular Scripture and ask, “What does this mean?” Know when to stop.(14). Ask For Feedback – Match impact with intent. Has your message gotten across completely and accurately. Are they responding to your message? You might need to ask, “What have I said that you agree with? Disagree with?” Promote dialogue.(15). Offer Solutions And Preferences – Don’t just shine the light on the problems. Show others a way out of their sin. Promote repentance. Do not give the impression that you have all the answers.(16). Recognize Your Limits – You cannot force people to change (2 Timothy 2:24-26). All you can do is prayerfully speak the truth in love with clear communication. God will take it from there.
QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER
(1). When others wrong you, do
you tend to bring out law or gospel?
(2). Which listening skill do
you have a hard time with? How will you work on this area?
(3). Do you tend to believe the
best about others or do you just to guilty conclusions right away?
(4). How are you when it comes
to picking the best time and place to have important discussions?
(5). How can you improve so
that your message is not misunderstood?
(6). Do you tend to be more
subjective or objective when it comes to reconciliation?
(7). Have you ever tried asking
for feedback?
(8). How can you use Scripture
to help your conversations?