SERMON: God's Heavy Hand
TEXT: Ruth 1:19-22
SERIES: Ruth
Sunday, October 11, 2020
Monday, October 05, 2020
A LIFE LESSON FROM SPICY DORITOS
You know what sucks...
When you open a new bag of Spicy Doritos and have eaten a couple handfuls and then you see that there is a slit on the other side of the bag from a local grocery store box cutter and you don’t know how long those chips have been open and you begin to wonder if something crawled in and out of the bag and now you wanna throw up. But you keep eating the chips to see just how stale they are because maybe the cut was recent enough to where the chances of something crawling in and out were minimal. But as you’re crunching and munching away you realize there’s a bit more staleness to them than you’re comfortable with but they’re not totally stale so maybe it’s your imagination overworking so you create a scale of staleness in your head and try to figure out where these Spicy Doritos rank. And now you’ve eaten more than you should have but you’re feeling good that you got a decent scale of staleness going on that others could benefit from. But, alas, the staleness of the Spicy Doritos is pretty sketchy and you realize you’re just a fat slob that’ll eat anything.
Moral of the story: have some self-control!
Sunday, October 04, 2020
Sunday, September 13, 2020
Sunday, August 23, 2020
Sunday, June 14, 2020
Sunday, June 07, 2020
Sunday, May 03, 2020
Tuesday, March 24, 2020
THE SOCIALLY DISTANT SESSIONS: 2 PETER 1:1-2
2 Peter 1:1–2
Simeon Peter, a servant and apostle of Jesus Christ,
To those who have obtained a faith of equal standing with ours by the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ: May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.
QUICK SUMMARY
The second letter of Peter was written to help believers live godly lives in light of false teachers that were trying to lead them away from Christ and into sensuality. Peter's admonition is for Christians to maintain a godly life by adhering to the Scriptures until the Word of God, Jesus, comes again.
THE TEXT
The opening words of Peter remind us that he knows that he is subject to the Lordship of Christ. What he's about to write to these believers is a message from the Lord. Peter uses two words that identify how he sees himself in the context of this writing.
I. PETER'S UNDERSTANDING OF HIMSELF IN RELATION TO JESUS
A. Servant - The word literally means slave or bondservant. Jesus is the master of Peter and Peter is the Lord's servant. He is at the beck and call of Jesus. Peter is not speaking on his own authority but under the authority of Jesus the Christ, the Messiah.
B. Apostle - Peter knows that he was directly called by Jesus Christ to be his messenger or spokesman. Before Peter was an apostle he was a disciple. You'll recall that Jesus handpicked Peter to follow him so that Peter could learn from Jesus (Matthew 4:18). In learning from Jesus, he would eventually grow to act like Jesus and speak like Jesus. Eventually the disciple of Christ would become a spokesman for Jesus.
Now many would claim to be apostles. In fact 2 Corinthians 11:13 reminds us there were false apostles in the early days of the church. That is to say that some were claiming to be spokespeople for Jesus. So there was a real concern for these early believers. How were they to know who was a true apostle and who was not? How could they discern the counterfeit from an actual apostle? Thankfully, the Lord made it obvious who was an apostle and who was not. 2 Corinthians 12:12 and Hebrews 2:4 teach us that that God validated who the messengers of Jesus were. This validation or proof came in the form of signs and wonders. The miracles that the apostles performed let others know that they were backed by the power of God. Without these miracles anyone could claim to be speaking for Jesus and no one would know if that were true or not. Acts 9:32-43 is one example of a miracle God performed through Peter which serves as validation of his apostleship.
So having served under the ministry of Jesus, having been directly called by Jesus to serve as a spokesman by the resurrected Christ, and having been granted the ability to perform signs and wonders, Peter speaks for Jesus, not out of his personal agenda.
II. PETER'S UNDERSTANDING OF FAITH IN RELATION TO JESUS
A. An Obtained Faith
In writing to these believers, Peter states that the faith that they have was obtained. That is to say that it was not inherent to them. It was something that they acquired. In a moment, he will state how it was acquired, but as of now it's important to note that faith is not something subjective or personal feeling as many claim it is. It is something that is outside of us that is given to us as Ephesians 2:8-9 teaches. It is a gift. It is not something inherent in us.
From various Scriptures we know that faith in Christ is important. It is through faith that we receive the righteousness of Christ. With our sin forgiveness, and with the righteousness of Christ given to us by faith, we have the basis for our justification (Romans 3:26; Romans 5:1; Galatians 2:16; Philippians 3:9) . The righteous deeds of Christ gifted to us through the gift of faith in Christ is the reason God can declare us righteous even though we are sinners. But let us note that faith is a gift. It is obtained.
B. An Equal Faith
Peter then qualifies this faith by declaring that the faith these Christians had is the same quality of faith that he has. It is equally precious because it is of equal substance. This faith that they obtained was all the same in quality. So we must understand that this is not the same as subjective faith. There are two sorts of faith that Christians refer to. There's faith in Christ as Savior. And then there's faith or confidence in the general character of God that's based on what God tells us in the Word, but also based on our experiences with God. Many people trust Christ to save them (faith) but their confidence in God's power and their confidence (faith) in God's wisdom in other areas of their lives is a bit shaky. There's the objective faith that God gives to us in order to believe in Christ and be justified. Then there's the subjective faith we have in God in various areas of our life. The faith that Paul is referring to here is the objective gift. The gift of faith that God gives for justification is the same regardless of what person it is given to. It is an equal faith. Peter's faith in Christ was no different than my faith in Christ or your faith in Christ. It is of equal substance, quality, value and power.
C. A Divine Faith
Peter then states something that may seem to be the opposite of what we've been taught. The apostle Paul teaches us that it is through faith in Christ that we receive the righteousness of Christ. Here, Peter states that we receive faith by the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ. The order of faith and righteousness appears to be reversed. So what does that mean?
First, we must understand that Peter is not talking about justification by faith in this verse.
Second, we must understand that Peter is getting at what it was that caused our God to grant us faith. This is what Peter is getting at. He's saying that God is righteous. God is holy. God has no sin in Him. His good, holy and righteous character is what led Him to grant faith to us. In other words, it is equally righteousness for God to judge sinners just as it is for God to grant faith to sinners so that they can believe in Christ and be justified. That is a wonderful truth to meditate on. God is righteous. His righteousness leads him to grant faith. You and I were the beneficiaries of this faith that we have obtained and this faith is of the same quality that Peter and Jesus' apostles were given. Wow! What a great Savior we have in Jesus. He is so great that Peter refers to Jesus as God.
III. PETER'S UNDERSTANDING OF A GRACE AND PEACE IN RELATION TO JESUS
A. The Substance of the Blessing
Peter then pronounces a blessing upon the people of God. He prays that grace and peace would be granted to these believers in an exponential manner. He doesn't just want grace and peace added to the life of the believer. Rather he wants it given to them in a multiplied way. He knows of no greater blessing than to have the grace of God imparted to us so that we may be at peace with God. But what is grace? What is peace?
Grace is unearned favor--precisely the opposite of a paycheck. Peace is a state of tranquility between two parties. Scripture tells us in Ephesians 2:1-9 that our sinful passions have caused God's wrath to abide on us. Our rebellion to God has caused us to be at war with God. Peace needs to be made. Reconciliation needs to be made. And that reconciliation between us is God is what saves us. This reconciliation is by grace, not by works. It is unearned and it is granted by the one who rightly deserves to punish us for our treason. We are saved by grace through faith in Christ and this is all a gift from God.
This is what Peter wants for the believers who've obtained, from the righteous God, an equal faith as his. Yet Peter is not foolish enough to think that this grace and peace can be imparted in just any way. There is a particular means that God uses to impart grace and peace.
B. The Means of the Blessing
Grace and peace from God come through the knowledge of God and of Jesus Christ. Specifically, this is not less that actual information about God and Jesus, but it is surely more than just knowledge about God and Jesus. To know God, to know Jesus, you must know true and right information about them. Yet there are some people that know factual information about God and Jesus, yet they do not know the Lord and thus have no grace or peace. These two blessings only comes through a knowing of God and Jesus. Paul tells us in Philippians 3:8-11 that to know the Lord Jesus is to have his righteousness that comes through faith. This is true knowledge of the Savior. This is a true knowing. It's not only an intellectual understanding that is needed but a possession of Christ's righteousness which leads to a resurrection life. If you have faith in Christ and thus have His righteousness, then you know the Lord. You are partakers of the life He gives. You have true knowledge of the Lord. This is not simply a mental understanding of facts, but a partaking in a spiritual experience that you cannot fathom with human senses.
This knowledge of the Lord, this intimacy with the Lord comes through the Word of God. Romans 10:17 teaches us that faith comes through hearing the Word of Christ. So it is the Word of Christ that God uses to grant faith to sinners so that they may believe the facts of Jesus Christ's saving work, receive His righteousness and truly come to know the Lord, that is to say, to have knowledge of Him. This is how God has always extended grace and peace to sinners--through the knowledge of Himself. That's how God brought grace and peace to you.
APPLICATION
1. Consider that apostles no longer exist today. The early church was able to know the Lord was speaking to them through the apostles because of signs and wonders. Therefore, we do well to pay attention to the Word of God given to us through them. We must take great care to place ourselves under elders and teachers that do their best to explain what the apostles said under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. These men were handpicked by Jesus to speak for Him. Listening to them is listening to Jesus because they simply spoke on His behalf.
2. Consider the faith you have. It is from a righteous and holy God. He does not give rotten or weak gifts. The faith you have in Christ, if from God, will never fail. Offer thanks to God for the faith that He has given you. It is through this faith that you have Christ's righteousness and can be reckoned as righteous in God's eyes. You cannot be saved apart from faith in Christ. Praise God He's given it freely.
3. Consider that this obtained faith came to you from someone preaching the Word of God to you. Thank God for the messenger who delivered the gospel to you.
4. Consider that others need this same faith to believe the gospel. They need to be given faith from a righteous God. That can only come to them through the Word of God. Who are you taking the Word of God to so that they may have grace and peace through the knowledge of Jesus Christ? This is the means God uses to bring salvation to the lost. There is no other means that is sure to convert the hearts of dead men. Instead of trusting in your own persuasive arguments, bring sinners the Word of God. Use the very words that called light into existence. Use the words that called Lazarus from the tomb. There is infinite power in God's Word. It is alive! It is sharper than a two-edged sword and will pierce a man's heart and show him his evil intentions and need for a Savior. Learn it and use it so that grace and peace may be given to sinners.
Sunday, March 15, 2020
Sunday, March 08, 2020
Thursday, March 05, 2020
WORSHIP MYTH #2 - REPETITION IN A SONG IS BAD
Over the years many people have asked me how I choose songs for the church to sing on any given Sunday. I would say that 95% of the time I allow the sermon content for that week to dictate the songs we will sing as a church. Occasionally I take a request. But the majority of the time, the text sets the theme for the songs we sing on Sunday. That means I always read the over the passage being preached on for the coming Sunday and try to get the basic themes of our songs from the themes of the text. It’s not always easy and sometimes there aren’t songs that deal with a specific text. This past Sunday was a prime example with one of our pastors preaching from Revelation 17:1-6. In these situations I’ll generally find gospel centered songs that deal with sin, salvation and the death and resurrection of Christ. Yet even though I set up parameters for what we sing, not everyone will be pleased with the song selection that week.
If there are 100 people present on a Sunday morning there will be 101 ideas of what should be sung and how the music should be played. There’d be all of our opinions and then there’d be God’s truth. Many of us think we know exactly how God would run the music aspect of the service and it would certainly be based on either our preferences or our knowledge of the Bible. And while many would try to fall into the “Bible” category, many people plant flags of certainty in areas that God has provided some room for flexibility. Repetition is one of those areas.
I was once told that a famous reformed pastor has a name for songs that are repetitive. He calls them 7/11 songs. In other words, you sing the same seven words over and over again eleven times. This was obviously a disparaging remark and may even carry a sense of false piety. The assumption is that because certain parts of a song are repetitive, then there must be something wrong with the song. This critique of contemporary songs of worship often comes from the misuse of Scriptures like Matthew 6:5-8. In Matthew 6, the Lord is addressing a couple things: hypocrisy and useless phrases in prayer. On a larger scale, Jesus's sermon on the mount is meant to correct a faulty understanding of many areas of the Jewish life. We see the Lord addressing the inward righteousness that God requires. It is not visible to the human eye because we can only see outward actions. And when it comes to appearance, many of the things the Jews were doing had the appearance of godliness but their hearts were far from God. So Jesus addresses things like anger, lust, oaths, retaliation, hypocritical giving, hypocritical prayer and hypocritical judging of others. Jesus had come to fulfill the Law not to abolish the Law and so He sets the record straight to show what God really requires of us--inward purity. Obviously we all fall short of that, hence the need for the one who fulfilled the Law of God perfectly. So when we look at Matthew 6:5-8 we must keep that context in mind.
Matthew 6:5-8 And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. 6 But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. 7 “And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
So first and foremost, when we look at this passage we see that hypocrisy is the key sin that Jesus is addressing. Specifically, he is addressing those that love to pray in order to be recognized by others. There is a deep sense of hypocrisy in their prayers. Outwardly they appear to be doing righteous things, but it is for their own personal glory, not truly to address God in prayer.
Secondly, when Jesus addresses the prayer of pagan Gentiles, he's not saying that repetition is a sin, as if anything repeated is useless. He's saying that repetition is bad when the phrases are empty and meaningless or useless. He's saying that just because you heap up, pile on the words, or talk a lot and say a lot of pointless things in prayer, it doesn't mean that God is going to hear you more just because your word count is through the roof. Jesus is trying to keep His people from praying like pagans so He gives a small theology lesson on God's omniscience--God knows what you need. Immediately after this statement of addressing the empty phrases or vain repetitions of the Gentiles, the Lord them gives a model prayer for how we can pray with substance.
So, consider that the Lord is correcting a pharisaical understanding of holiness that the Jews had been trained in by their false teachers and hypocritical leaders. He came to correct their understanding of God's law and what He requires. Secondly, remember that the Lord is addressing hypocrisy and useless and meaningless phrases in pagan prayer.
Of course the Lord isn't addressing congregational singing, per se, but I suppose it may be a valid application to transfer this to corporate music. If the transfer of application is valid then we should not sing for our own glory but for God's. If the applications is transferable then our songs should contain substance and we should not use pagan practices in our worship. That doesn't mean that every song needs to contain the entirety of God's wisdom in the Word. That's why we have many songs. It just means they should be filled with truth. That doesn't mean that repetition can't be a part of a worship songs. We just shouldn't think that just because a song has a lot of repetition that the song is immediately deemed shallow. If that were the case then the four living creatures surrounding God's throne would be seriously in fault for repeating the same thing for as long as they've been alive.
Revelation 4:8 And the four living creatures, each of them with six wings, are full of eyes all around and within, and day and night they never cease to say, “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!”
They never cease to say the same thing over and over again. So it can't be that addressing God in repetition is sinful in itself. It's the empty substance of repeatedly addressing God with meaningless phrases that is pointless in worship. Now sometimes in our prayers we may have some "ums" but that isn't what the Lord is referring to. Again, the point is that these people actually have a faulty theology of who God is and how He works. They think a lot of words gets God's attention. They don't know quite what to say so they heap up meaningless and empty phrases thinking that it'll get God to act on their behalf.
Church, repetition can be a bad thing as we see from Matthew 6. But from Revelation 4 we see that repetition doesn't automatically qualify something as hypocritical or sinful. And that's what some people have done with worship songs that have repetition. They've lumped them all into the meaningless phrase category as if all repetition is bad. That simply just isn't true. Psalm 136 repeats the phrase "for his steadfast love endures forever" no less than 26 times. Forget 7/11 songs. We got us a 6/26 song here. This repetition was meant to teach and to reinforce truth. Vain repetition does nothing of the sort because there's nothing to reinforce.
In Judges 4 we read the account of the Judge, Deborah, and her military commander, Barak, getting victory of King Jabin and his military commander, Sisera. After getting victory in chapter 4 they begin to praise God in song and melody in chapter 5. And here we see that music and truth go hand in hand with repetition. Music should teach the mind so that our hearts are directed towards God as He is lifted high for the salvation He gives.
Judges 5:11 To the sound of musicians at the watering places, there they repeat the righteous triumphs of the Lord, the righteous triumphs of his villagers in Israel.
Here we see that Deborah and Barak sang a song to praise God. And within that song are very clear statements about the awesomeness of God. But also within that song is a clear description that these truths are being repeated by musicians. In others words, people are singing again and again about the righteous triumphs of the Lord. Now that may mean, "sing it again at different times" but it doesn't have to be. But notice that there is no reprimand for repeating the truth of God's victories. In fact, Deborah and Barak are praising the repetition. So it can't be that just any repetition of music and words is bad or else Deborah and Barak would not have authored those words under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.
Church, that is the only reason we sometimes repeat things in our corporate worship. Sometimes we need reminding of great truths. We need to hide them in our heart. Sometimes we need to celebrate them just a little more. Sometimes we need them to sink in and a quick passing by of truth can oftentimes leave us without room to contemplate what we are learning in song. Sometimes we need the repetition from others who are singing so that our minds finally get in gear and believe what we are hearing and are ourselves singing. Sometimes we need a little space and time to process truth before moving on to the next truth.
Have you ever sat through a sermon and a particular point was beginning to make an impression on your soul and before you could fully grasp the gravity of what God was saying to you, the preacher blazed on through to the next point. Sometimes space is needed, pause is needed to grasp the gravity of a truth. This is what Biblical meditation is--rolling over the same ideas in one's mind over and over again until every ounce of spiritual nutrition is absorbed from the Word. The same is true in a song. Sometimes repeating a truth a few times gives it a little more opportunity for you to grasp the weight of it. Deborah and Barak thought repetition of truth was good. The Psalmist thought repetition of truth was good. The heavenly creatures surrounding God must believe the repetition of truth must be valid. Indeed God Himself believes truth must be reiterated or else these examples would not exist.
So don't buy into the lie that everything repetitive in worship songs is shallow. It's just not the case. There certainly can be instances of shallowness, but repetition in and of itself does not qualify something as shallow or unworthy of corporate worship. That's just a myth that's been perpetuated for far too long.
I hope that the next time we repeat something in a song, you will take the time to memorize that truth and think about how God has related to you in regards to that truth. The temptation to be critical may arise, but instead of being critical and bitter use the "space" that the song provides to thank God for what He's done. For instance, if we sing "You are good, good, ohh" and it repeats, take the time to fill your mind with all the good things God has shown you. While the verses contain the ideas that God is our refuge, we must declare that He is good in the midst of hardship and that God never fails us. So think on Jesus and His goodness. Think on the goodness of His perfection. Think on the goodness of His death and resurrection. Think on the goodness of His return. Think on the goodness of His provision. Think on the goodness of His patience. The song allows for that sort of meditation while honing in on His goodness through trials and hardships. Not only that but I guarantee someone nearby you is doubting the goodness that you are singing about. They need to hear that God is good. When they mentally say, "No, He isn't," your voice continues to resounds, "You are good, God!" If you don't realize that spiritual debating is going on in the midst of our worship, then you ought to know that from here on out. Our corporate repetition of truth can be a powerful tool to persuade unbelievers to consider some things.
So there you have it, church. Repetition in a song can certainly be bad. But repetition in a song can be great as well. For what it's worth, we try to make good use of repetition. Do we get it perfect every time? Not likely. But like anything else in life, we will fall short of perfection while striving for the resurrection life.
God bless you and let's keep praising God together today, tomorrow and until Christ comes again--and then forevermore in eternity.
Stayed tuned for "Worship Myth #3"--Worship is what we do before the sermon on Sundays.
Sunday, February 09, 2020
Friday, January 24, 2020
ALIENS MIGHT BE FOR REAL
I think it was somewhere in Albuquerque, New Mexico, that my good friend, Andrew Kovar, and I decided to stop and rest for the night. His parents had just had just flown me out to Springfield, Missouri, to drive back with him to California. We grabbed a cheap grungy motel, the kind you see in horror movies and yell at the people in the movies, “No, not that motel, stupid!” Norman Bates had just pointed us to our room so we grabbed our personal belongings and went straightaway to our room.
Andy had his electric guitar with him and I asked him if he’d show me how to play a guitar chord. 002220. If you understand guitar chords, that’s an A Chord. That’s what he showed me how to play. I strummed the strings and I was hooked instantly. Visions of rockstar status flooded my mind and I was on stage rocking it out but then I came back to reality and remembered I was in a grungy motel room. When we got back home, I didn’t wait much longer to go out and buy my first guitar. I’m getting old, but if my memory serves me correctly, I think Andy helped me pick out my very first guitar. It was a Samick and that guitar was my baby for 6 years until I got my very first Taylor guitar and I’ve been playing music ever since. Now pay attention because here’s where the story gets “for real good.”
On that same trip, we were passing through Nevada late at night…and boy was it dark. We were literally in the middle of nowhere. No city lights. No freeway lights. No cell phone lights. Had we broken down we probably would have had to write our last will and testaments and held each other tightly through the night to survive the elements with our own body heat. Oh wait, it was May. It wasn’t cold. So noooo lights anywhere...just the headlights on his truck and the stars above...and maybe the twinkle of stardom in my eye in regards to my soon-to-be rockstar status.
With pedal to the metal we are out in the middle of nowhere and we had just passed a sign that pointed to Area 51. We joked and laughed how it’d be cool to head in that direction and look for aliens, but we used the “we had to get home” excuse as a justifiable reason for any perceived lack of courage and gas funds. A few moments later, the most remarkable thing happened to us. What follows is no exaggeration of details whatsoever. None. Andy can corroborate that I’m not exaggerating, but all of a sudden the music in the truck stopped. I don’t remember what we were rockin out to, but whatever it was was coming out through a ten pound Disc Man hooked up to the tape deck in his brown single cab truck. Hold up...What’s that you say? “That last sentence didn’t make sense? What’s a DiscMan and tape deck?” Oh, you poor child. I’ll try to explain. Hmmmm...a Disc Man...Just think of a smart phone that isn’t a phone and it has no apps. It only plays music....it’s made of lead and stone and twigs and it plays music that’s been put onto a plastic disc via a laser and four foot wide computer. A tape deck...well, it’s a device that eats musical cartridges made of wheels and string. I hope that helps. So, we didn’t have any tapes because that was old school technology. We were hip and cool and had a folder of CD’s but only one person could listen at a time with headphones unless you got even cooler technology to connect your DiscMan to the tape deck so that everyone could listen through the truck speakers. You trackin’?
So back to the main point...don’t interupt with your dumb questions anymore...so the music had stopped in the truck. Creepy! I checked the Disc Man to see what was going on. I picked it up and it was making a loud humming noise and it felt like a gyro-sphere in my hand. You could tell that the disc inside was spinning at an abnormally fast speed. Double creepy. I pressed the stop button repeatedly and it would not stop. Triple creepy! I opened the lid and, lo and behold, the CD was spinning…BACKWARDS. Quadruple creepy. At this point I wanted my mommy. Having just passed a sign that pointed to Area 51 and with visions of aliens in our minds, our imaginations went wild. Like a couple of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Andy was like, “No way, dude!” And I was like, “What in the world, dude!” And Andy was like “No way, dude!” And I was like “Way, dude!” And Andy was like, “No way, dude!” And I was like, “DUDE! Wayyyy!” We thought we were having a close encounter of the third kind and I suddenly wanted some mashed potatoes so I could sculpt something.
It’s no lie to say that we were spooked. I’m sure it was nothing but some sort of technological malfunction, but when you’re 23, near Area 51, on a dark road, with a vivid imagination, with Andy, it doesn’t take much to get animated about a backwards spinning cd. Orrrrrr did we did have an encounter with something inexplicable?!?! We waited to get teleported and probed by aliens but nothing ever happened. Orrrrr did something happen but we can’t remember because our memories were erased?!?! We will never know.
But that’s my story party dudes, and I’m wayyy sticking to it. And if you drive anywhere near Area 51 and some weird stuff happens, just know that aliens might be for real.
Wednesday, January 22, 2020
A LESSON IN POKER FACE
Macy recently got her drivers license and last night I had to fill up her gas tank. She can take my car but not my debit card. So about 9:00 p.m. I head over to a nearby AM/PM and pull up to a pump—#7 to be precise. I was feeling lucky but it turns out that #7 wouldn’t accept cards so I had to inconveniently venture inside the convenience store.
The line was only a couple people long and would have proceeded quickly had it not been for the cultured dude with saggy pants in front of me. Fruit of the Loom was his name and taking forever to pay was his game. I couldn’t wait for this bruh to be done so I could show everyone behind me how to pay fast at an AM/PM counter—have your card out, know your pump number and know what amount you want on that pump...rehearse it a couple times in your head and when it’s your turn...let er rip. I like to set the bar high and pay for gas in less than 30 seconds when a personal visit is required with the attendant.
Well, Fruit of the Loom finally paid and left..it was my turn now. And then the poker game started...I didn’t know I was in for a treat. But it was time to get my fun on. I told the lady at the counter that I wanted $40 on #7 cause I was feeling lucky. I got no response. No chuckle. No smirk. She was all biznazz.
She punched a few buttons and stared at her machine. I called her bet and stuck in my card and punched my buttons and stared at my machine. She continued to stare at her machine and I kept staring at mine. Neither of us flinched.
Then she made her second bet by glancing toward me...I called her glance...and quietly waited for her next move. I wanted to put on some sunglasses and earbuds to really get into the poker-feel but it was nighttime and my ears are so small that earbuds don’t fit.
As the game continued, she bet a raised eyebrow and I called that bet and did my best Dwayne Johnson eyebrow raise...and raised her a head tilt. She called my head tilt and went all in with a hefty sigh. You could tell she thought I didn’t know what I was doing. She thought she had a better game than me, but I knew what hand I was holding. All the while my plan to show people how to pay quickly at at AM/PM had been long jettisoned. I can’t avoid a good staring contest when I know I’m gonna win. So after she goes all-in and sighs at me, I call her all-in bet with a release of a sigh...nay, dare I say a death breath and I smote her and took away all the pomp and arrogance that an AM/PM clerk has ever dared to muster and I say, “my machine says waiting for attendant.”
She looked down at her machine in defeat and realized I am the better player at this game. I swooped my arms forward and hugged my chipped card like a poker player gathering that fat pile of chips after a healthy win. She asked if I wanted a receipt but I wanted her to have something to remember me by so I said, “Nah, you can keep it!” And I strolled out of the AM/PM facility knowing I had won.
Then I saw saggy pants dude at the gas pump and realized he wasn’t taking forever to pay—he was playing poker, too. I felt bad for having misjudged him so harshly. Lesson learned.
So the lesson of the day is this: never judge a guy on how saggy his pants are and by how much time he spends at the counter of an AM/PM. He could just be getting gas for his daughter and he might just be having a good time waiting for the attendant to press the right buttons on her machine so he can finish paying and leave.
Sunday, January 19, 2020
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